Praise Jokes / Recent Jokes

W O M A N
If you kiss her, you are not a gentlemen
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you don't love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you don't like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel
If she is visited by another,' Oh! it's natural, we are girls'
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her too many, she yells that you more...

There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!".
The atheist yells back, "There is no God".
She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says "Praise the Lord".
The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts "Praise the Lord!!!".
The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, "Ha, I bought those groceries - there is no God".
The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts "Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!!"

This fat lady walks into a pet store and she see's a bird that she wants to buy. She goes to the manager and say's "I want this bird."
The manager say's that the bird had a bad owner before he was brought to us. She said that she will treat him well.
The first night with the bird she is feeding him and she accedentily lifts up his left leg and screams "HALLELUAH!" The next night she is feeding the bird she accedentily lifts up his right leg and the bird screams "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The lady found this quite interesting so she invited the priest over for dinner the next night. After a good meal the fat lady walks the priest over to the bird and lifts up his right leg and once again screams "HALLELUAH!" She lifts up his right leg and it screams "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The priest found this ver fascinating and said to the lady "I wonder what would happen if u lift both legs up?"
The bird replies with a simple more...

There's a little old Christian lady living next door to an atheist. Every morning the lady comes out onto her front porch and shouts "Praise the Lord!".The atheist yells back, "There is no God".She does this every morning with the same result. As time goes on, the lady runs into financial difficulties and has trouble buying food. She goes out onto the porch and asks God for help with groceries, then says "Praise the Lord".The next morning she goes out onto the porch and there's the groceries she asked for, and of course, she shouts "Praise the Lord!!!".The atheist jumps out from behind a bush and says, "Ha, I bought those groceries - there is no God".The lady looks at him and smiles, she shouts "Praise the Lord, not only did you provide for me Lord, you made Satan pay for the groceries!!"

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for God to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "Praise the Lord! God, I need food! I am having a hard time. Please, Lord, send me some groceries!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries; God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "Praise the Lord! He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

An elderly woman was very well-known for her strong faith and her boldness in always talking about it. Very often she would stand on her front porch and shout out, "Praise the Lord!"
This would infuriate her next-door neighbor, who happened to be an atheist, and he would shout back at her, "You silly, old bat, there ain't no Lord!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed for God to send some help. As she stood on her porch, she shouted, "Praise the Lord! God, I am having a hard time and really need some food. Please, Lord, send me some groceries."
The next morning she went out on her porch and found a large bag of groceries. Immediately, she shouted, "Praise the Lord!"
Suddenly, her neighbor jumped out from behind a bush and said, "Ha, you dumb, old woman, I told you there ain't no Lord. I bought those groceries, not God."
The old woman began jumping up and down, clapping her hands, and said, more...

A religious man was selling his horse. He taught this horse three commands
walk=hallaliua
run= praise the lord
stop=amen
Well one day a man wanted to buy the horse. So the original owner told him the commands.
The man got on the horse and inmmediatly yelled out praise the lord. The horse started to run. The horse ran and ran. But at the second the man saw a cliff up ahead. He yelled with his lungs Amen but the horse didnt hear him. He said it over and over again but the horse hadent heard him.
At the last second he yelled amen and the horse stoped at the edge of the cliff. He raises his hand wipes his brows and says hallaliua praise the lord and the horse starts running off the cliff.