Prayer Jokes / Recent Jokes

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen."

Our Morning Prayer. . . Our Hard Drive Which art internal Volume C by name; Thy code be clean, Thy fonts be seen On screen as they are on paper. Give us this day our documents, And lead us not into fragmentation But deliver us our data. For thine is the SCSI, And the EISA, and the NuBus, Forever and Ever, Amen.

The Victoria Bitter Prayer
Our lager, which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk, when we loose to Sri Lanka again,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages, could not help with Murali's spin,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, The Victoria bitter and The lager.
Forever and ever,
Barmen

-Your computer would automatically shut down on Friday evening till
Saturday night.
-On the calander it would say what time you need to light the candles.
-Your computer would alert you if there is some unkosher food in your
house.
-Instead of the optional languages: English, French or Spanish, it would
be: Yiddish (cuz Hebrew is a holy language, religious ppl don't want to
talk Hebrew unless it's for a prayer).
-Depending what time of day it is, your computer desktop wallpaper would
be the text of the prayer needed to be said at that time of day.
-The year would change in September-Rosh Hashana

A mother was teaching her 3-year-old the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer. "Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen."

Seisline prayer: O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.

Announcements in synagogue newsletters
o Join us for our celebration after services. Prayer and medication to follow.
o Weight Watchers will meet at 8pm at the Beck Hall. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
o Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
o For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
o We are pleased to announce the birth of David Bloom, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs Shlomo Bloom.
o The Men’s Club is warmly invited to the celebrations hosted by Hadassah. Refreshments will be served for a nominal feel.
o Our Rabbi unveiled the synagogue’s new fundraising campaign slogan last week
“I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”
o If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you.
o Rabbi is on holiday. Massages can be given to his secretary.
o Mrs Himmelfarb will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
o The Ladies Guild have cast off more...