"Announcements in synagogue newsletters o J..." joke

Announcements in synagogue newsletters
o Join us for our celebration after services. Prayer and medication to follow.
o Weight Watchers will meet at 8pm at the Beck Hall. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance.
o Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.
o For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
o We are pleased to announce the birth of David Bloom, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs Shlomo Bloom.
o The Men’s Club is warmly invited to the celebrations hosted by Hadassah. Refreshments will be served for a nominal feel.
o Our Rabbi unveiled the synagogue’s new fundraising campaign slogan last week
“I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours”
o If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you.
o Rabbi is on holiday. Massages can be given to his secretary.
o Mrs Himmelfarb will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
o The Ladies Guild have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Thursdays.
o We are taking up a collection to defray the cost of the new carpet in the Beck Hall. All those wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.
o Don’t let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help.