Prayer Jokes / Recent Jokes

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Tuesday at 4: 00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. Thursday at 5: 00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his more...

A short history of medicine: I have an earache. 2000 B. C. - Here, eat this root 1000 A. D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer. 1850 A. D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. 1940 A. D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill. 1985 A. D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. 2000 A. D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

1. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Johnson to come forward and lay an egg at the altar.

2. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement on Friday afternoon.

3. A bean super will be held on Saturday evening in the church basement. Music will follow.

4. The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Belzer.

5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

7. Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.

Lawyer's mother: "My son is a brilliant lawyer. He can look at a contract and instantly tell you whether it's verbal or written."

"For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex." -Gore Vidal

"A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good undertaker wants to finish the job and then have the patient sit up on the table." -Jean Kerr

"There was a young lawyer who showed up at a revival meeting and was asked to deliver a prayer. Unprepared, he gave a prayer from a lawyer's heart:' Stir up much strife amongst thy people, Lord, lest thy servant perish.'" -Senator Sam Ervin

"A judge is a law student who marks his own test papers." -H. L. Mencken

Despite his best efforts, the lawyer's client was convicted of murder and sentenced to die in the electric chair. On the eve of his execution, the convict called his attorney for more...

A man from Tyson Foods is visiting with the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, "Your Eminence, we have a wonderful deal for you. If you will change The Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread... ' to 'give us this day our daily chicken... ' we are prepared to donate $300 million to the Church."
"That is not possible," the Pope responds. "The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
"Well," the man from Tyson says, "we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread... ' to 'give us this day our daily chicken... '"
Again, the Pope responds, "That is not possible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the man from Tyson says, "Your Eminence, this is our final offer. We are prepared to donate $3 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from more...

After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words."
So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again.
"Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. more...

Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study. more...