Pregnant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!"

The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon.

The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

"Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came.

I was hoping they'd show up again, and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant!"

this women was 8 months pregnant with triplet boys. while out one night she was shot 3 times. they rush her to the hospital and were able to save her and the babies but were not able to get the bullets out of the 3 babies. six years pass and the first little boy comes running out of the bathroom and up to his mother and shouts" momMy mommy i just shit a bullet" she explanins to him that when she was pregnant she got shot but the bullet was out of him and now he is fine. about 15 min. later the second little boy comes running out and tells her the same thing so she tells him that the bullet is out so he is fine now. then the third little boy comes running out and startes to say something so she cuts him off and says "I KNOW I KNOW YOU SHIT A BULLET " HE SAYS NO I WAS PLAYING WITH MYSELF AND I SHOT THE DOG!!

Apparently, there is a new trend out there for single, expecting mothers that are dating while pregnant. Experts are calling it “lowering standards.”

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy? A. Yes, your bladder.

Although in recent years, the Irish seem to have been shamefully neglected as a good group to ridicule (except perhaps in the UK), I come from a huge (what other kind is there?) Irish family, and telling jokes at our own expense occupies a lot of our time at family gatherings, e. g.: A VERY pregnant Irish woman awakes in the middle of the night and says to her husband, "Paddy, darlin' turn on the light, the baby's comin'"
Paddy turns on the light, and they successfully deliver a little baby, get it fed, stick it in a cradle, and go back to sleep.
A bit later, the wife says,"Bejesus, Paddy, turn on the light. It's twins, it is!"
Paddy turns on the light; second baby delivered, fed, cradled; couple goes back to sleep.
(This happens as many times as you like)
Finally, the wife awakens, and cries, "Bejesus, Paddy, another one, turn on the light!"
Paddy, without turning over in bed, says: "I will not. It's the light that's more...

Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she`s borderline irrational. A. So what`s your question?

1. A CAUCASIAN WOMAN:
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
2. IRISH WOMAN:
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
3. ITALIAN WOMAN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3 carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.
4. JEWISH WOMAN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head again.
5. POLISH WOMAN:
First Date: You more...