Pregnant Jokes / Recent Jokes

When you go to a wedding ceremony, how can you tell at which congregation it is being held?
If it is a Chassid, the mother-in-law is pregnant
If it is Conservative, the bride is pregnant
If it is Liberal, the Rabbi is pregnant.

Hillary Clinton went in for her yearly checkup. When she was finished, she asked her gynecologist how things looked. He said he was pleased and that she is in great shape but, that she was pregnant! She told the doctor there was no way, but he said that she most definitely was a month pregnant. Well, she stormed out of the office and went to the receptionist and took the phone and called the white house. When the operator answered she said that it was Hillary and that she wanted to talk to Bill right away. Well they rang the oval office and Bill answered.
Hillary said: "Do you know what you did you rotten bastard? You got me pregnant!!!" The President remained silent.
Again, Hillary screamed, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID, YOU ROTTEN BASTARD? YOU GOT ME PREGNANT!!!"
Finally Bill answered, "Who is this???"

...goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant.She is furious. Here she's in the middle of her first term as Senator of New York and this has happened to her. She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming; "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?"
There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me?" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"

A little girl was at preschool, and she asked the teacher:
"Can my mom get pregnant?"
"How old is your mom?" asked the teacher.
"40," answered the little girl.
"Yes, your mom could get pregnant," said the teacher.
"Could my sister get pregnant?" asked the little girl.
"How old is your sister?" asked the teacher.
"19," the little girl answered.
"Yes, she certainly could get pregnant," said the teacher.
"Could I get pregnant?"asked the little girl.
"How old are you?" asked the teacher.
"3," answered the girl.
"No you couldn't get pregnant," said the teacher.
Then the little boy behind the girl tapped her back and said to her:
"See? I told you we had nothing to worry about!"

There was this eighty-year-old man who was seeing the doctor for a checkup. The doctor asked why he needed the checkup. The man was getting married next month to a girl 60 years his junior. The doctor tried to talk him out of the marriage, and it didn't work. However, the doctor suggested, "If you want your marriage to last, I say you at least take in a boarder." The old man agreed. The old man didn't see the doctor until they met at a fund-raiser a year later. The old man says, "Doc, congratulate me, my wife is pregnant." "That's good news," said the doctor. "I knew the boarder would help." "Oh," said the old man with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant as well."

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again, and then on her fourth move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, this was the man's reply when asked why he acted in such a manner.
"When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read "Sloans Liniments Remove Swelling". I was even more amused when she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William Stick Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read "Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."

Two redneck wives were drinking tea and the one noticed that the other was pregnant.
"We don't have to worry about that!" said one, pointing to her friend's tummy. "For years now we are using the 'Bucket and saucer' method of contraception."
"And what may that be?" asked the pregnant one.
"You see, my husband is quite short. So we do it standing up and he stands on a bucket to reach. So I watch him, and when his eyes get big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him!"