President Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case... ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... ok"

Just before the start of the Christmas Eve Service, the minister
suddenly drops dead. Everyone looks around to see who will
conduct the services with a full house in attendance.
The president of the congregation looks at the vice-president and
as they try to decide what to do, from the back of the room Jack
the Junk Dealer yells out "I have a fantastic dog that sings
hymns, gives the best sermons you could ever hope to hear and
brings people to tears of joy."
With limited possibilities at the moment, they decide to give him
a try.
Up he goes to the pulpit and before you know it, the entire church
is crying with happiness. Now I have to admit it's a bit unusual,
but the fact is the members were happy and isn't that what
Christmas is about anyway?
Anyway, following the service, the president calls over the dog's
owner and offers to give him a contract until the minister can
be replaced. Just as more...

A persistent job-seeker once appeared before President Lincoln and demanded an appointment to a judgeship. He was informed that there were no vacancies. The next day, while walking along the river, he saw a drowned man being pulled out, and recognized him as a federal judge.
He ran back to the White House and demanded the position.
Sorry, said the President, but the lawyer who saw that judge fall in beat you here by a good five minutes.

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Die" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff's HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a death threat in the snow on the front lawn! And they wrote it in urine! The guy had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!"The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well, don't just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!"The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some REALLY bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says "Give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well, we took a more...

Jewish employment
"My son," says Yetta, "is a physicist."
"My son," says Sadie, "is president of an insurance company."
"My son," says Becky, "is the head of a law firm and president of the Law Society."
"My son," says Hannah, "is a rabbi."
"A rabbi? What kind of career is that for a Jewish boy?"

Ralph Nader announced he`s running for president after a new poll found he`d get. 5% of the vote. Nader`s slogan: `Eat my dust Kucinich.` -Craig Kilborn

A big weekend for the candidates. President Bush highlighted his foreign policy, and then John Kerry emphasized his war record, and then Ralph Nader bragged about an article he wrote on toasters that explode. -Craig Kilborn