President Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Day The President was out jogging without his guards. All of a sudden a man with a ski mask jumped out from behind some busheswith a gun. The masked man said "Give me all your money!"Unwilling to do so, the President said, "You can't do this, I'm thePresident!" The man then replied,..."Oh, never mind then. Give me MY money!"

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:
HONK! If you had sex with the President
Clinton: We forgive you...Now Resign!
Al Gore: One heartthrob from the Presidency
Adultery IS NOT a family value
Does character matter YET?
One More Whore And We Get Gore
Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat
My President Fooled Around with Your Honor Student
Jail to the Chief
Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
The Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not Responsibility
If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.
Save the President: Legalize Perjury
Two terms for Clinton: the second in jail
Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

Q: How many members of the P.L.O. does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 45 - One to drive the car, four to shoot the president of Sylvania's bodyguards, three to kidnap the president of Sylvania, five to think up the ransom demands, ten to paste up the ransom note, eight to cut little eye-holes in the cloth sacks, one to drive a truck with 2000 kilos of dynamite into the American embassy, one to claim responsibility for the bombing, and twelve to commandeer a building with working lights.

Top 10 Benefits of a White House Internship
First-hand knowledge of domestic affairs
Pay is lousy, but the hush money is great
Gives new meaning to MTV slogan ''Rock the Vote''
Observe the President's commitment to young people
first hand
Learn intricacies of statutory rape law
Have President chase around desk brandishing his
'subpoena'
President tells you he really wants you on his staff
Try out JFK's legendary rocking chair
Have President introduce you to his 'special
investigator'
Find out what a politician means when he says he's
been polling his constituents

Here are some "actual" bumper stickers reportedly seen on cars around the DC area:HONK! If you had sex with the PresidentClinton: We forgive you...Now Resign! Al Gore: One heartthrob from the PresidencyAdultery IS NOT a family valueDoes character matter YET? One More Whore And We Get GoreBill Clinton: Commander in HeatMy President Fooled Around with Your Honor StudentJail to the ChiefToday kids no longer play doctor, they play PresidentThe Clinton Creed: Take Credit Not ResponsibilityIf his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter.Save the President: Legalize PerjuryTwo terms for Clinton: the second in jailClinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father

There's a man named Ralph that goes into a bar, looking very depressed. A friend approaches him and asks, "Why the long face, Ralph?"
"Oh, I'm just bored. I know every person in the entire world now, and there's just nothing left to challenge me."
His friend says, "No, you can't know everyone. Do you know Paul McCartney?"
He says, "Sure, Paul's an old friend of mine. Here, I'll show you." He goes over to a phone, dials a number. His friend overhears a British accent, "Hey Ralph, how ya doing?"
He talks for a while, but when Ralph hangs up, his friend is not really sure that it was Paul McCartney on the other end of the line, so he asks him if he knows the president.
Ralph says, "Sure, we go way back." This time he lets him listen in as he calls a private number. It sounds like the president on the other end of the line, and they go into a big discussion of the current economic scene, and Ralph offers a few more...

Joe and Mabel are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Mabel, I've been wondering," Joe says, "have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Joe, why would you ask such a question now?" Mabel replies. "You really don't want to ask that question... "
"Yes, Mabel, I really want to know. Please," insists Joe.
"Well, all right, dear. Yes, three times," Mabel confesses.
"Three times? When were they?" asks Joe.
"Well, dear, remember when you were 30 and wanted to start your own business and no bank would give you a loan?" Mabel says. "Remember how the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Mabel, you did that for me! I respect you more than ever, to do such a thing for me," Joe says. "So, when was number 2?"
"Well, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were seriously in need more...