President Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE LITTLE OLD LADY AND THE BET
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!).
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman said,"Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, more...

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one beautiful blonde."
The guy exclaimed, "A beautiful blonde? Why kill a beautiful blonde?"
Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job-George Bush, during his first Presidential campaign"This is a great day for France!"-Richard Nixon, while attending Charles De Gaulle's funeral"Now, like, I'm President. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?... I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey, get lost. We don't want any of that.'"-George Bush, talking about drug abuse to a group of students"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan.We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex... uh... setbacks."-George Bush"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy. But that could change."-Dan Quayle"Hawaii has always been a very pivotal role in the Pacific. It is in the Pacific. It is a part of the United States that is an island that is right here."-Dan Quayle during a visit to Hawaii in more...

Back when Vietnam was still separated as North and South, the president of South Vietnam then was President Thieun As he was getting a lot of unfavorable treatment from his own country's news agencies, he invited Tara Singh, a journalist from Malaysia, to brief him about the setup of Bernama. After Tara Singh had briefed the president about Bernama, the president was impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own Bernama, to counter all the criticism he has been receiving lately. Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr. President, the name' Bernama' is already used by Malaysia... maybe if you chose another name." "Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be known as Thieunama! ! ", said the president. Tara Singh nearly choked on that! " Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers," said Tara. The president was touched by the more...

The AP reported that Turkmenistan's authoritarian President Saparmurat Niyazov died of cardiac arrest. George Bush responded by accusing the AP of making up countries.

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school to talk about the world. After hertalk she offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand, and the Senator asks him what his name is.
"Billy," the lad replies.
"And what is your question, Billy?" asks the Senator.
I actually have three questions. First - whatever happened to your medical health care plan? Second -why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And third - whatever happened to all those things you took when you left the White House?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume Hillary says, "Okay where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up; Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry," replies the boy.
"And what is your question?" she asks.
"I more...

Secret Service are agents expected to testify that Monica Lewinsky was in the
oval office with the President unescorted for 40 minutes, But everything
was O.K, she was just giving the President a debriefing.