Press Jokes / Recent Jokes
Computer Ease! The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000: 1. Smash forehead on keyboard to continue. 2. Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue. 3. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit. 4. Press any key except. .. no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE! 5. Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test. 6. Close your eyes and press escape three times. 7. Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. 8. This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game? 9. Windows message: "Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)" 10. This is a message from God Gates: "Rebooting the world. Please log off." 11. To "shut down" your system, type "WIN." 12. BREAKFAST. SYS halted... Cereal port not responding. 13. COFFEE. SYS missing... Insert cup in cup holder and press any key. 14. CONGRESS. SYS corrupted... Reboot Washington D. C? (Y/N) 15. File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) 16. Bad or more...
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.
Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.
Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the dreydl will be the more more...
True Tech-Support Stories Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system couldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the more...
We've all had the annoying experience of calling up a hotline and waiting on the phone for eons to hear all the choices the lucky touch-tone dialers receive. Well, think how frustrating that would be if you were calling the... PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE The telephone rings and an answering machine answers... "Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly. If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call. If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If your are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer any way.
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and
acquisitions, It was announced today at a press conference
that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source
said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years,
ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.
While details were not available at press time, it is believed
that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and
eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides.
By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy
consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of
Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs
are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the
hardest hit.
As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the
dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming
unintelligible to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating to more...
Computers manufacturer is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEETS WINDOWS95 Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2. 1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. Abbot: That's terrific, Lou. Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!! Abbot: You will in time. Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you. Abbot: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbot: Well, I don't know- Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. Abbot: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbot: O. K. Lou. What do you want to know? Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbot: That's true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then- Costello: No, I told you, I want to more...