Press Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know
the batteries are dead?
New error messages currently under consideration for Windows 2000.
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)
RING
RING
CLICK
Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want.
Just stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell
you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press.
No one will answer.
(from my colleague Tony, who received it from a colleague, who...)
"Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press
2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and
6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
Ring, ring.
Hello, and welcome to the psychiatric helpline.
If you have compulsive obsessions, please press number one several times.
If you have problem with the self esteem, ask somebody to press number two for
you.
If you have multiple personalities, press numbers 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want, just keep the line
open until we have traced the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully; a small voice will let you know
which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. Nobody will
answer anyway.
Imagine praying and hearing this:
"Thank you for calling My Father's House. Please select one of the following four options:
* Press 1 for requests.
* Press 2 for thanksgiving.
* Press 3 for complaints.
* For all other inquiries, Press 4."
What if God used the familiar excuse: "All of the angels are helping other customers right now. Please stay on the line. Your call will be answered in the order it was received."
Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses as you call on God in prayer?
* "If you'd like to speak with Gabriel, press 1."
* "For Michael, press 2."
* "For any other angel, press 3."
* "If you want King David to sing you a psalm, press 6."
"For reservations at My Father's House, simply press the letters J-O-H-N on the keypad, followed by the number 3-1-6."
"For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the more...