Prime Jokes / Recent Jokes

A jatt wanted Rs. 10, 000 badly and prayed for two weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the Rs 10, 000.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, India, they decided to send it to Prime Minister.
The Prime Minister was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the jatt a Rs 500 bill. Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a jatt.
The jatt was delighted with the Rs 500 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord, which read:
Dear Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, Inoticed that for some reason you had to send it through New Delhi and, as usual, those jerks deducted Rs. 9500...

A visitor to the vatican met with the Pope and noticed a red phone sitting on his desk. What's that for?, he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Pope.
The visitor said, "Wow, how much is a call?" The Pope answered, "$2,000 per minute."
A few days later the same visitor met the Israeli Prime Minister and noticed a red phone on his desk.
"What's that for?", he asked. "Oh, that's the direct line to the Lord" said the Prime Minister. The visitor asked "How much is a call?" The Prime Minister said "20 cents per minute."
The astonished visitor said, "It can't be. I just saw the Pope who said a call to the Lord is $2,000 per minute."
The Prime Minister answered, "That was long distance, here the Lord is just a local call."

A public servant, on his way home from work in Canberra traffic came to a dead halt and thought to himself, "This is unusual." He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?" The officer replied, "The Prime Minister is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire.He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that reduced funding will improve the Higher Education and Health sectors, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends.So we're taking up a collection for him." The public servant asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies, "About 200 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

FINALLY, a way to know what to throw-out and what to save!

THE GAG TEST
Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night).

EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.

DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realise you've never purchased that kind.

MAYONNAISE
If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.

FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled - (or more...

Prime Minister Zhang was fond of handwriting, but he didn't put in a lot of effort to do his exercises. Everybody sneered at his bad handwriting, and the Prime Minister himself really didn't care. One day he happened to draft a beautiful sentence and at once wielded his writing brush to write it down, indeed, there were dragons flying and snakes dancing all over the paper. Then he ordered his nephew to copy it. When beginning to copy, his nephew stared tongue-tied and did not know where to start. The young man had to take the manuscript back to the Prime Minister. "Uncle, I can't read your handwriting, please tell me what words they are." The Prime Minister read his cursive hand a long time, and did not know what Chinese characters they were, either. He then turned to blame his nephew. "Why didn't you come earlier to ask me? I myself have forgotten the words which I've written."

On 26th Dec' 04 early morning several hrs before the catastrophy happened, Honolulu Tsunami Monitoring center have been trying to call our Meteorological Dept. monitoring center in Palekelle and Colombo but failed.
They also got in touch with presidents' office however it was informed that she's out of the island on a private vacation. Finally they called Prime minister's secretariat, but Prime minister was out on his morning walk.
Thinking at least it's best to keep him vigilant on this, the Honolulu officials left the message with the person who picked up the phone to inform Primeminister that there's a Tsunami coming from Indonesia. On prime minister's return, the operator told prime minister about the call, said TSunami from Indonesia is arriving in 2 hrs.
Prime minister promptly took action to send a delegation to Katunayake with name boards' Welcome Mr. T. Sunami - Indonesia..

* Freezer Foods:
ICE CREAM
If you can't tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice cream, it's time to throw BOTH out.
FROZEN FOODS
Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
* In the Fridge:
EGGS
When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS
Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway - if you can dig down and still find something non-green, bon appetite!
MEAT
If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, toss the meat.
UNMARKED ITEMS
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