Private Jokes / Recent Jokes

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety."Private," the officer said, "Im recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.""Warehouses?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

The officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety.

"Private," the officer said, "I'm recommending you for a medal. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses."

"Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought you said whorehouses!"

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson's Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: "Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself." "By shooting?" reasked the company commander, "Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: "This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle."--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Little grandson asked: "Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid?" "I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep."

A mortician was examining Mr. Zeron's body before sending it to be cremated. He discovered the longest private part he had ever seen on Zeron. He felt it a pity to cremate him with it, so, apologising to the corpse, the mortician used his tools to remove the tremendously huge private part.
The mortician stuffed the prize possesion into his briefcase and took it home to show his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said and opened his briefcase.
Upon seeing it, his wife cried, "Oh my God! Zeron is dead!"

The Commanding Officer of a Regiment in the U. S. Marine Corps was about to start the morning briefing to his Staff and Battalion and Company Commanders.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, he decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question of just how much of sex was' work' and how much of it was' pleasure?'
The X. O. chimed in with 75-25% in favor of work.
Captain said it was 50-50%.
The Colonel's Aide, a Lt., responded with 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending on his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the Private First Class who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
With out hesitation, the young Private First Class responded, "Sir, it absolutely has to be 100% pleasure."
The Colonel was surprised and, as you more...

The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones` mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."

So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."

Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn`t you be a bit more tactful, next time?"

"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.

A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath`s mother died. You`d better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time more...

The company commander saw the results of Private Gibbson’s Firing exercise and his face fell. The private exclaimed plaintively: “Sir, I think I am going to commit suicide by shooting myself. ”
“By shooting? ” reasked the company commander, “Not a bad idea! But take as many cartridges as possible. ”
When asked what he thought about the new squad radio, one Army sergeant told the man from the R&D agency: “This squad radio should be replaced with a good whistle. ”
Little grandson asked: “Granddaddy, when you were in the Army and were posted as sentry at night, were you afraid? ”
“I was, grand sonny, but only until I fell asleep. ”