Private Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school?

A: If they sent her to a public school, the secret service would be out-gunned!

Question: What is every Amish woman's private fantasy? Answer: Two Mennonite!

Private Loyds was brought up before the unit CO for some offence.
“You can take your choice, private - one month’s restriction or twenty day’s pay, ” said the officer.
“All right, sir, ” said the bright soldier, “I’ll take the money. ”

Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces." "Ha!", said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it." Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute." "Yes, Sir!!!", the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!", and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact. "That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute. And I want you to do it with style." "Yes, Sir!!!", the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg more...

A marine general, an army general and a navy admiral were
discussing who had the toughest men. The army general says, "Alright,
I'll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over
here!"
The private reports as ordered, "Yes sir?"
The general says, "See that man over there? Kill him!"
Without hesitating, the private kills the man.
The general says, "See? That man has balls!"
The marine general says, That's nothing. Private, get over here!"
The marine private reports, "Yes, sir?"
The marine general says, "See that man over there? Kill him and
then kill yourself."
Without blinking, the marine private pulls out his M-16 and blows
away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.
The marine general says, "See? Now that man has balls!"
The admiral says, "That's nothing."
He calls to more...

The Top Signs That You`ve Hired A Bad Private Eye
& & 1. Considers reading "The Hardy Boys Mysteries" actually helpful reasearch.
& & 2. He has a pet basset hound named "Flash" that acts as his trusty assistant.
& & 3. His best disguise is wearing a hat.
& & 4. Keeps getting confused and follows you all the time.
& & 5. Won`t read any messages without his trusty decoder ring.
& & 6. Dresses up like Jessica Fletcher from "Murder She Wrote" when he thinks he`s caught the suspect.
& & 7. Well, he`s blind.

- Accelerates at a phenomenal rate.

- Has a much shorter braking distance than the private car.

- Can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars.

- The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked.

- It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing.

- It needs cleaning less often than private cars.

- The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material.

- Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.

- It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.

- It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches.