Probably Jokes / Recent Jokes

If the Vikings were around today, they would probably be amazed at how much glow-in-the-dark stuff we have, and how we take so much of it for granted. We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

I wish scientists would come up with a way to make dogs a lot bigger, but with a smaller head. That way, they'd still be good as watchdogs, but they wouldn't eat as much.

If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a subject.

People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening.

If I live in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, "Hey look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, more...

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...

Subject: -What software version are you running?

I`m currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I`ve been having some problems lately.

I`ve been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1. 0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I`ve tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that Drinking Buddies won`t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off.

But I`m embarrassed to say I can`t find the switch to turn the sound off.

I just run them separately, and it works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1. 0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2. 0.

After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with more...

Instead of having' answers' on a math test, they should just call them' impressions' and it you got a different' impression' so what, can't we all be brothers?

Probably to a shark about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because where does he think he's going?!

Perhaps, if I am very lucky, the feeble efforts of my lifetime will someday be noticed, and maybe, in some small way, they will be acknowledged as the greatest works of genius ever created by Man.

It's sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, more...

Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it'll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.

"I'll get a world record for this."

"It's fireproof."

"He's
probably just hibernating."

"What does this button do?"

"I'm
making a citizen's arrest."

"So, you're a cannibal..."

"It's
probably just a rash."

"Are you sure the power is off?"

"Yeah, I
made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?"

"The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!"

"Pull the pin and count to what?"

"Which wire was I supposed to cut?"

"I wonder where the mother bear is?"

"I've seen this done on TV."

"These are the good kind of mushrooms."

"I'll hold it and you light the fuse."

"Let it down slowly."

"Rat poison only kills more...

Two ten-year-old children were exactly opposites: Bill was a die-hard optimist, and Bob a hopeless pessimist.
The mom asked the psychiatrist what to do about Christmas. The doctor told her to buy all the toys she could for Bob and get Bill nothing. In fact, he said just to wrap up some manure for Bill to break down his hopes even more.
Christmas morning, Mom came downstairs and found the twins by the tree. She asked Bob what Santa had brought him.
"A B.B. gun, but I'll probably hit someone in the eye and blind him. And a bicycle, but I'll probably get run over and killed while riding it. And an electric train, but I'll probably electrocute myself," said Bob.
Realizing it wasn't going very well, the mom turned to Bill and asked what he got. "I'm not sure!!" he replied, "I think I got a pony, but I haven't been able to find him yet!!"