Prof Jokes / Recent Jokes

(If any of these are not original, please blame it on my Commerce 335 professor,
Dr. Yair Wand. Otherwise, all humour can be attributed to him as the source.)
A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised
tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those
interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class.
Students were quick to comment on the professor's genetics. Well, one day a
student entered through the front doors of the lecture hall, while the prof was
writing notes on the chalkboard. The professor caught the student out of the
corner of his eye (this acute sense of peripheral vision, further supported the
rumours of his evolution), and turned to face the student. He demanded, "What
do you think you're doing?" Being a science student, one naturally thinks
quickly, so the student snapped up and replied, "I came down from the back to
get more...

HORIZONS IN COMPUTER SCIENCE EDUCATIONAL TECHNOLOGY
By Ross Williams 3 June 1988.
Recent studies have shown that while undergraduate students are more intelligent
than kindergarten students, the mentality and attention span of the two groups
are similar. With this in mind, we introduce a new concept in Computer Science
education:
COMPUTER SCIENCE SESAME STREET
Narrator:
One of these programs is not like the others,
One of these programs has a bug.
One of these programs is not like the others,
And if you can't tell which one, you're a mug.
One of these programs is not like the others,
One of these programs will really teach yer,
One of these programs is not like the others,
Yes, that's not a bug, that's a feature.
---
Voiceover:
c
C
C?
C!
printf!
while ((c=getchar() != EOF) {}
C!
---
Song:
Dum diddle diddle diddle dum de dum dum,
Dum diddle diddle diddle,
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, more...

A catholic, a morman and an Arab were playing golf and bragging about their family.
The catholic boasted that he had 4 kids, his wife was pregnant and soon he would have his own basketball team.
The morman replied; "that's nothing, we have 10 kids. One more and I'll have a football team!!! "You guys have no vision" declared the Arab. "I have 17 wives, one more and I'll have my own 18-hole golf course!!!!"
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A hippie gets onto a bus and proceeds to sit next to a Nun in the front
seat. The Hippie looks over and asks the Nun if she would have sex with him.
The Nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next
stop.
When the bus starts on its way again, the bus driver says to the Hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how to get that Nun to have sex with you."
The Hippie, of course, says that he would love to know, so more...

1 You have ever said "Netter is god".
2 You can discuss autopsy/ anatomy over a meal
3 You own a 4 color pen
4 -it just isn`t enough colors for you
5 You use more than one color to take notes
6 You have use up more than 6 highlighters in the past 6 months
7 you have ever highlighted something YOU wrote
8 you retype handouts given in class
9 you haven`t had a date in 3 months
10 you haven`t had a date since entering med school
11 you have not been able to remember the normal term for
something because you were thinking of the medical term (ie
reflux for heartburn)
12 You get more sleep in lecture than at home
13 You know the correct spelling for pruritus
14 - you also know what it means
15 You have ever asked a question in class
16 - The prof. didn`t understand the question
17 - you didn`t believe the answer the prof. gave
18 - you went to look it up to see if they were more...

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:
Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose more...

Prof. of Algebra: kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart. Prof. of Chemistry: kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts. Prof. of Zoology: kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria. Prof. of Physiology: kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction. Prof. of Dentistry: kiss is infectious and antiseptic. Prof. of Accountancy: kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned. Prof. of Economics: kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply. Prof. of Statistics: kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36. Prof. of Philosophy: kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old. Prof. of English: kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; more...

The Board of Trustees of a nearby University, decides to test the Professors, to see if they really know their stuff. First they take a Math Prof. and put him in a room. Now, the room contains a table and three metal spheres about the size of softballs. They tell him to do whatever he want with the balls and the table in one hour. After an hour, he comes out and the Trustees look in and the balls are arranged in a triangle at the center of the table. Next, they give the same test to a Physics Prof. After an hour, they look in, and the balls are stacked one on top of the other in the center of the table. Finally, they give the test to an Engineering Prof. After an hour, they look in and one of the balls is broken, one is missing, and he's carrying the third out in his lunchbox.