Project Jokes / Recent Jokes

E-Mail One
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
hard at work in his cubicle. Joe works independently, without
wasting company time talking to colleagues. Joe never
thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
finishes given assignments on time.

Often Joe takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Joe is an individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field.

I firmly believe that Joe can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Joe be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible.
Regards,
Project Leader
E-Mail Two
Attention: Human Resources
Joe Smith was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly more...

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to Produce a baby.
and lastly...
9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby

Horngren’s Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case. Hubbard’s Law: Don’t take life too seriously; you won’t get out of it alive. Hurewitz’s Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to…to… uh… IBM Project Management Axiom: Need for project modifications increases proportionally to project completion. Instruction Booklet Governing Principle: Instruction booklets are lost by the Goods Delivery Service. If not, they are listed in four languages: Japanese, Thai, Swahili, and Mongol. Jenkinson’s Law: It won’t work. Johnson-Laird’s Law: Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.

Horngren's Observation: Among economists, the real world is often a special case.
Hubbard's Law: Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive.
Hurewitz's Memory Principle: The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to... to... uh...
IBM Project Management Axiom: Need for project modifications increases proportionally to project completion.
Instruction Booklet Governing Principle: Instruction booklets are lost by the Goods Delivery Service. If not, they are listed in four languages: Japanese, Thai, Swahili, and Mongol.
Jenkinson's Law: It won't work.
Johnson-Laird's Law: Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.

When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.

God created heaven and the earth. Quickly he was faced with a class action
suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. He was granted a
temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the
cease and desist order for the earthly part.
Appearing at the hearing, God was asked why he began his earthly project in
the first place. He replied that he just liked to be creative.
Then God said, "Let there be light", and immediately the officials
demanded to know how the light would be made. Would there be strip
mining? What about thermal pollution? God explained that the light would
come from a huge ball of fire. God was granted provisional permission to
make light, assuming that no smoke would result from the ball of fire:
that he would obtain a building permit; and to conserve energy, would
turn the light off half the time. God agreed and said he would call the
light "Day" and the darkness more...

Just before the final bell rings, a third grade teacher gives her students a project. "Okay class," the teacher says, "I would like you to talk with your parents tonight and ask them to tell you a story that has a moral to it and share it with the rest of the class."
The following day, class begins and the teacher tells her students that it's time to tell their stories. She calls on Beth first.
Beth stands up and says, "My family raises chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs and were counting on all of them to hatch so we could sell them, but only eight hatched."
"What's the moral, Beth?" the teacher asks.
"Don't count your chickens before they're hatched," Beth answers.
The teacher then calls on Wendy.
Wendy stands and says, "My family raises chickens for the market too, but we only sell the eggs. One day we put our eggs in a large basket but while we were driving to the market, we hit a big more...