Project Jokes / Recent Jokes

Programmer to Module Leader:
"This is not possible. **Impossible**. It will involve design change and no body in our team knows the design of the system. And above that nobody in our company knows the language in which this software has been written. So even if somebody wants to work on it, they can't. If you ask my personal opinion the company should never take these type of projects."
Module Leader to Project Manager:
"This project will involve design change. Currently we don't have people who have experience in this type of work. Also the language is unknown so we will have to arrange for some training if we take this project. In my personal opinion, we should avoid taking this project."
Project Manager to 1st Level Manager:
"This project involves design change in the system and we don't have much experience in that area. Also not many people are trained in this area. In my personal opinion we can take the project but we should ask for more...

Project Management is like pushing a wheelbarrow of frogs to market.

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U. S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61. 2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shit!"

Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96. 4 percent of the final words were -
"Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"

A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in
high school by telling them the difference they each made. Using a
process developed by Helice Bridges of Del Mar, California, she called
each student to the front of the class, one at a time. First she told
them how the student made a difference to her and the class. Then she
presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters
which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."
Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what
kind of impact recognition would have on a community. She gave each
of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and
spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the
results, see who honored whom and report back to the class in about a
week
One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a
nearby company and honored him for helping him with his more...

A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem. The project manager said:
" Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said:
" We have here the driver's guide. I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said:
" First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again. Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said:
" Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

IBM Project Management Axiom: Need for project modifications increases proportionally to project completion.

A student at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." And for plenty of good reasons, since:

1. it can cause excessive sweating and vomiting

2. it is a major component in acid rain

3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state

4. accidental inhalation can kill you

5. it contributes to erosion

6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes

7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew that the chemical was water. The title of more...