Promise Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were these three brothers that were very close to each other. The brothers always went to a local bar on every Friday at 5:30 on the dot.
When the brothers got married they all got married to their wifes to be on the same day and at the same place.
When the brothers moved away from each other to go on with their lives with their new wife, they all promised each other that they would still go to the bar every friday at 5:30 and drink for each other.
On the first Friday that the brothers were separated, the first brother went to a local bar and ordered three drinks. He took one sip from the first glass the took one sip from the second glass then from the third. He did this until all the beer was gone, then he paid the bartender and went home.
This kept up for about three week before the bartender finally asked why he did that. The guy explained about the promise that he had with his brothers. The bartender said that he thought that was a very good promise to keep more...
Four blokes are out playing golf.
The first golfer says, "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I would paint all the outside of the house next weekend."
The second golfer said, "That''s nothing, I had to promise my wife I would paint all the rooms in our house."
The third golfer said, "Man, you''ve both got it easy! I had to promise my wife I would remodel the kitchen for her."
After a few holes they realized that the other golfer had not said a word, so they asked him, "Didn''t you have to promise your wife anything in order to go golfing?"
The fourth golfer said, "I just set the alarm for 5: 30 AM. When it goes off, I give the wife a dig and say, "Golf course or intercourse?," and she replies, "You had better wear your sweater because it might be cold."
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with anunusual offer." Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When youget to me and the part where I'm to promise to' love, honor and obey'and' forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciateit if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the minister a $100bill and walked away satisfied. It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved tothat part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comestime for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you willnot ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?" The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do." Then, he more...
The phone call.
Morris calls his son in New York.
Morris says "Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don`t want to discuss it. I`m merely telling you because you`re my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I`ve made up my mind, I`m divorcing your mother."
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened.
"I don`t want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can`t decide to divorce Mum just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It`s too painful to talk about it. I only called because you`re my son, and I thought you should know. I really don`t want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where`s Mum? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don`t want you to say anything to her about it. I haven`t told her yet. Believe me it hasn`t been easy. I`ve agonised over it for several more...
1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.
2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married – and now he is going thru hell.
3. A man inserted an' ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100, 000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my more...
Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. So, Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is, 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped .Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says,'Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener.
"I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says. 'I thought you packed it.' Joe gets worried.
He turns to Poncho. 'Poncho, do you have the bottle opener?'
Naturally, Poncho doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.
So, more...
Once there was this woman, who was, sad to say, very flat across
the upper body. Year after year of seeing beautiful, large-breasted
women walking away with handsome guys finally got to her. She decided
that she would have large tits at any cost.
At first she went to a breast treatment center and asked for larger
breasts. After several weeks, despite all the injections and fillers
they had given her, her breasts were no larger. She despaired. She
went everywhere, but everything she tried came to no avail.
So she went home and cried and prayed for larger tits. After
several days of this, during one praying session, there was this
sudden poof, and her fairy godmother appeared before her.
"Well, dearie, you want larger tits, do you?"
"Oh yes, oh yes, please fairy godmother, give me bigger tits. I
beg you," the woman implored.
"Okay, okay, calm down. I'll do it, if you promise to stop
bothering me. more...