Proof Jokes / Recent Jokes
The christian said, "There's no proof of god, but I know he's there.The agnostic said, "There's no proof of god, but he might be there."The atheist said, "There's no proof of god, so he's not there."The moron said, "Hey you guys! I'm gonna go to Lake Tahoe this weekend and get totally drunk and get some hookers! Do you wanna come?"
A true story. A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question:
"Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with a proof."
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however wrote the following:
First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass.
If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since, there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project more...
To all who do NOT believe in evolution, I have proof:
MY spaghetti from two weeks ago has started growing arms and legs and I think it just called me, "Mommy".
For all those serious Maths buffs... lemmas and theorems!
1. Lemma: All horses are of the same colour.
Proof (by induction):
Case n=1: In a set with only one horse, it is obvious that all horses in that set are the same colour.
Case n=k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all of these horses are the same colour. Now put back the horse that you took out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k horses now in the set are the same colour. Then the set of k+1 horses are all the same colour. We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all horses are of the same color.
2. Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.
Proof (by intimidation):
Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse to have! Now more...
At a conference, a mathematician proves a theorem.
Someone in the audience interrupts him: "That proof must be wrong - I have a counterexample to your theorem."
The speaker replies: "I don't care - I have another proof for it."
A mathematician has been invited to speak at a conference. His talk is announced as
Proof of the Riemann hypothesis.
When the conference actually takes place, he speaks about something completely different.
After his talk, a colleague asks him: "Did you find an error in your proof?"
He replies: "No - I never had one."
"But why did you make this announcement?"
"That's my standard precaution - in case I die on my way to the conference..."
The Equation
Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows,
Work = Power * Time
Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:
Work = Knowledge * Money
Solving for Money, we get:
Work Money = ---------- Knowledge Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.
Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.
Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard's math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.