Proper Jokes / Recent Jokes

I hope you will enjoy this since it humorous as well as instructive.
Do not use computerese, jargon, argot, newspeak, or British when expressing yourself in the American English Language.
Subject and verb always has to agree.
Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
Avoid cliches like the very plague.
Mixed metaphors are a pain in the ass and should be thrown out the window.
Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
Use your spell checker to avoid mispelling and to catch typograhpical errors.
Don't be redundant.
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
Remember to never split an infinitive.
The passive voice should not be used.
Use the apostrophe in it's more...

Using proper punctuation, grammar, and spacing is highly recommended because it makes your jokes readable and understandable. If people are having a hard time understanding your jokes, they will be rated poorly and your score will suffer because of it.

The 5 questions most feared by men are: 1... What are you thinking about? 2... Do you love me? 3... Do I look fat? 4... Do you think she is prettier than me? 5... What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly(i. e., tells the truth). As a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible Responses. Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a... Baseball. b... Football. c... How fat you are. d... How much prettier she is than you. e... How I would spend the insurance money if you died. Perhaps the best response to this more...

Northerners visiting the South Information for Northerners Visiting the Southern StatesIf you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the south, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in life styles:1. If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel-drive pickup truck with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.2. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.3. Remember: "Y'all" is singular, "All y'all" is plural, and "All y'alls'" is plural possessive.4. Get used to hearing "You ain't from around here, are ya?"5. You may hear a Southerner say "Oughta!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all oughta not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "No!"6. Don't be worried more...

Dad, can i ask you something? "Sure! What about?" "You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think it's just proper that i should own one." "And what is this 'one' you're referring to?" "Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?" "No." "My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention." "Nope." "It will be just proper at my age..." "I said no way...!" "But all of my friends wears... !" "David! How many times shall i tell you that bras are for girls!?"

Dad, can I ask you something?
Sure! What about?
You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think it's just proper that I should own one.
And what is this 'one' you're referring to?
Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?
No!
My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.
Nope!
It will be just proper at my age...
I said no way...!
But all of my friends wear...
Timmy! How many times shall I tell you that bras are for girls!?

Dad, can I ask you something? Sure! What about? You see, I'm already fourteen and...I think it's just proper that I should own one.And what is this 'one' you're referring to? Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres? No! My nipples are already prominent and it catches attention.Nope! It will be just proper at my age...I said no way...! But all of my friends wear...Timmy! How many times shall I tell you that bras are for girls!?