"Guide for writers" joke

I hope you will enjoy this since it humorous as well as instructive.
Do not use computerese, jargon, argot, newspeak, or British when expressing yourself in the American English Language.
Subject and verb always has to agree.
Do not use a foreign word when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
Avoid cliches like the very plague.
Mixed metaphors are a pain in the ass and should be thrown out the window.
Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
Use your spell checker to avoid mispelling and to catch typograhpical errors.
Don't be redundant.
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
Remember to never split an infinitive.
The passive voice should not be used.
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
Don't never use no double negatives.
Poofread carefully to see if you have any words out.
Check carefully for grammatical errers.
Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
Avoid colloquial stuff.
Eschew obfuscation.
No sentence fragments.
A preposition is never a proper word to end a sentence with.
Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
And always be sure to finish what