Property Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following is "rumored" to be a real news story.
LADUE ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL PRAISES STUDENT PRANK OFFERING SCHOOL FOR SALE
By Carolyn Bower [St. Louis] Post-Dispatch Thursday, May 25, 2000 | 7:10 p.m.
A classified advertisement that ran this week in the Post-Dispatch offered what seemed like a deal for those seeking a house in the wealthy St. Louis suburb of Ladue.
For sale by owner: 1201 South Warson Road. Open house May 24. Lavish two-story residence, all brick, renovated bathroom, theater/entertainment room, finished basement, intercom system, tennis court and indoor pool. $550,000/offer.
The catch: The property is Ladue Horton Watkins High School. The open house date was the last day of classes for seniors.
Brad Heger, assistant principal at the school, learned about the ad after he arrived at work Monday and listened to his voice-mail messages.
He got dozens of calls on his private line at school about the offer. Heger called those who had more...
The things that lawyers know about,
Are property and land.
But why the leaves are on the trees;
And why the waves disturb the seas;
Why honey is the food of bees;
Why horses have such tender knees;
Why winters come when rivers freeze;
Why faith is more than what one sees;
And hope survives the worst disease;
And charity is more than these,
They do not understand.
Opponents wish to keep the 6-foot-by-3-foot granite monument on the City Hall mall, where it has stood since being donated by the Fraternal Order of Eagles in 1958.
No word on any move to relocate useless, offensive, greedy politicians off city property.
Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. It is against the city ordinance to hang your more...
Post Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans residents are challenged often with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, often making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) on behalf of a client that was absolutely priceless!!
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted, if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply:
(Actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we more...
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to FHA, he received the following reply:
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have cleared the Title to the proposed collateral property only back to the year 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
"Your letter regarding Titles in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have Titles more...
If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I.... Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed. Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary business plan.