Proprietor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

In front of a delicatessen, an art connoisseur noticed a mangy little kitten lapping up milk from a saucer. The saucer, he realized with a start, was a rare and precious piece of pottery.
He strolled into the store and offered two dollars for the cat. "It's not for sale," said the proprietor.
"Look," said the collector, "that cat is dirty and undesirable, but I'm eccentric. I like cats that way. I'll raise my offer to ten dollars."
"It's a deal," said the proprietor, and pocketed the ten on the spot.
"For that sum I'm sure you won't mind throwing in the saucer," said the connoisseur. "The kitten seems so happy drinking from it." "Nothing doing," said the proprietor firmly.
"That's my lucky saucer. From that saucer, so far this week I've sold 34 cats."

The Black Onyx Box
A well dressed gentleman passes a curio shop and sees a beautiful black onyx box in the window. He likes it, so goes in to learn what it costs.
He asks the proprietor how much it is, and the proprietor says "$5,000".
"Wow," the gentleman says, "can I see what is in it that makes it so expensive?"
"Sure," says the proprietor and he opens the black onyx box. Inside is a beautiful realistic looking pussy.
The gentleman pulls his checkbook out when he says, "Hmmm, for $5,000 a pussy should be wet."
The proprietor picks up the black onyx box and flips a lid down on the side, exposing three buttons. He pushes one and instantly the pussy is wet.
The gentlemans mouth waters and takes his pen out but stops and says, "No, for $5,000 a pussy should be warm."
The proprietor pushes the second button, and instantly the pussy is radiating heat. The gentleman can feel the heat and starts to more...

A man goes to a kennel to buy a hunting dog. "This is one of the best hunting dogs I have," said the proprietor. The man looks the dog over and agrees to the purchase.
Several days later he goes duck hunting at a lake. When the first bird is hit and falls into the water, the dog rushes to the edge of the lake and walks on the water to retrieve the duck. Quickly grabbing it with his mouth, the dog again walks on the water and deposits the bird in front of the amazed hunter. This happens again with every bird the hunter shoots.
The next day, the kennel owner is surprised to see the hunter back with the dog. He looked angry and said, "I want my money back! This dog is supposed to be a hunting dog but he's no darn good!"
The astonished proprietor replies, "Gee, I'm surprised. This is one of my best dogs. What's the problem?"
"This dog isn't a hunting dog," replied the hunter, "He can't even swim!"

Wayne went to the pet store to buy a parrot. One bird caught his eye: previously owned, it was especially handsome and he purchased it. As soon as the bird was settled on its perch, Wayne went to the cupboard.
"You want a cracker?" he asked, holding out a Saltine.
The bird looked at the snack. "What are you, stupid? And blind? You think I keep my feathers rich by eating crackers, you moron? I want pate' and I want it now, asshole!"
Shocked by this unprovoked abuse, Wayne returned to the pet store and walked up to the proprietor.
"Just who owned that bird before me anyway?!"... he demanded.
"Didn't I tell you?" the proprietor said. "You are the owner of a bird that once belonged to John McEnroe."

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a redneck customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give away more...

There was this gas station in "redneck country" trying to increase it's sales, so the owner put up a sign saying "Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon a "redneck" customer pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from (1) to (10), and if he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The buyer then guessed (8) and the proprietor said, "No, you were close. The number was (7). Sorry, no free sex this time but maybe next time".
Some time thereafter, the same man, along with his buddy this time, pulled in again for a fill-up, and again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed (2) this time, and the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was (3). You were close but no free sex this time".
As they were driving away, the driver said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't give more...