Proud Jokes / Recent Jokes

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son.
After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he's only 4 Kg.
Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 4 Kg.
"What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?"
"Umm, well that was before he got circumcised".

When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son.After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he's only 4 Kg.Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 4 Kg."What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?" "Umm, well that was before he got circumcised".

The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend. This clock, he said, will go for 14 days without winding. Really? replied his friend, And how long will it go if you do wind it?

"Grandpa, I'm Really Proud Of You," Said The Prim And Proper Young Lady.

"What's To Be Proud Of?" Asked The Old Man.

His Granddaughter Replied, "I Noticed That When You Sneeze, You've Learned To Put Your Hand In Front Of Your Mouth."

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What's he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

A western businessman was conducting his Japanese guest around the busy city. Because of traffic congestion they used bus and underground railway. The businessman was proud of his local knowledge of the system, and by clever use of the map and timetable, he got them to their various destinations much quicker than the average tourist could have done. He was particularly proud of one trick: "There, we saved twenty minutes by changing trains and taking the other line". The Japanese smiled broadly. When they got to their station, the businessman hustled the other up the stairs, and out into the fresh air. Nearby was a secluded little grassy area with some seats. The Japanese sat down, and looked benevolently on the world passing by. "Hey, what are you doing just sitting there?" gasped the western businessman. "Oh, I'm just using up the 20 minutes we saved on the train".

A proud elderly gentleman was in the hospital for a series of tests because his bodily functions were extremely disrupted.
During the night he made several trips to the bathroom because he thought he had to go to the bathroom. After failing to go several times he finally decided to just ignore it.
When he awoke later in the night he found his bed full of diarrhea. Being too proud to admit he just relieved himself in his own bed he carefully took the sheets and tossed them out the window.
However, while this was going on, a drunk was stumbling home in the darkness. Before he can figure out what's happening, the soiled sheets come down on him. He kicks and punches the sheets trying to get them off of him. A security guard runs up and asks what the heck is going on.
The drunk replies, "I don't know what happened, but I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."