Proud Jokes / Recent Jokes
The proud owner of an impressive new clock was showing it off to a friend.' This clock,' he said,' will go for 14 days without winding.'' Really?' replied his friend,' And how long will it go if you do wind it? '
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it is time to go home
and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts
at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds."WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar. Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartenderrecognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "10 pounds."The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened? The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"
Proud father
When his wife gave birth to a healthy baby, a proud father went in to work and told everybody that he has a 10Kg healthy son.
After hearing what was going on, the wife tells the father to quit telling everybody that the baby is 10Kg because he's only 4 Kg.
Next day at work, the father comes in and tells everyone that the baby is only 4 Kg.
"What do you mean, he was 10 yesterday?"
"Umm, well that was before he got circumcised".
A Redneck Valentine...author unknown
Collards is green my dog's name is Blue and he's all I know of that's purdier than you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.
You have som'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like them far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel more...
There was a father who was very proud of his three daughters. Every night he took a stroll around the house to make sure everything was all right.
One night when he was doing his stroll, he could hear laughter coming from his youngest daughter's room. He stood there for a while and thought about this, but reached the conclusion that he could always ask her tomorrow, instead of bothering her at this time of the night.
When he reached the window of his second daughter, he could hear her crying. He thought about this too, but ultimately he decided to ask her tomorrow and continued.
There were no sounds at all coming from his oldest daughter's room, and he then went to bed, satisfied.
The next day, when they all were gathered around the breakfast table, he said to his youngest daughter "I heard you laughing last night, as I walked past your window. Why was that?"
She answered "That's because you taught me to laugh when someone was making me more...