Public Jokes / Recent Jokes

When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honour.
At the dinner table, the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame de Gaulle.
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What do you most look forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame de Gaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer, and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word 'appiness."

It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.

Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.

In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.

In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.

In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.

In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.

In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.

In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.

In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.

French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring more...

Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P. M. on Thursdays. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. You may not kiss your wife`s breasts. Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Big Pine Key It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. more...

When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor.
At the dinner table the Ambassador's wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and International scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next.
Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said, "Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce zat word, 'appiness!'"

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Silicon Valley Mottos:
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W I N N E R
Where quality is Job One-Point-One
Maurice Herlihy

H O N O R A B L E __M E N T I O N S

''It Compiles. Ship It''
Doug Sheppard

Artificial intelligence-when you just can't get the real thing
Nancy Ott

Sleep is for the weak
Robert Zazueta

I came, I saw, IPO
Andy Halushka

Go Public or Perish
John R. Wodziak

If at first you don't succeed, go for a second round
Rex Hill

Where the world comes to pay more for housing
Dana Spradley

Give me your contract-hired, your poor-before, your not-so-subtle badasses
Kimberly Green

Spinning sand into gold
Sue Clark

Lies, damned lies, and market caps
Alex Strasheim

Silicon Valley: commute, compute, commute
David Kenney

Come for the overtaxing work environment, stay for the more...

Beyond Internet and computer goodies, we'll hear some real things heard in US courtrooms such as... Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys?
Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth.
Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution.
Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth, too. Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case?
Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.
Judge: Can't they do without you at work?
Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it. Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.
Judge: And why is that?
Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.
Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?
Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honour. I wasn't listening. Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkeness. Have you anything to say in your more...

IN Siddhpur, Badruddin Blue, while speaking at a meeting organised by the Hindu-Muslim Communal Harmony Committee, related an amusing anecdote about the earlier Chief Minister of Gujarat. The latter had come to address a public meeting and was giving reasons why he could not satisfy all public demands. The audience would not accept his excuses and started chanting,' Tu nipunsak chhey.' (You are impotent).
The Chief Minister was unable to complete his speech. On his way back home, his wife tried to console him and assured him that the people would come round soon.' It is not that which bothers me,' replied the Chief Minister.' What I want to know is how a secret only known to you has become public knowledge?'