Puddle Jokes / Recent Jokes
One night, a Delta twin-engine puddle jumper was flying somewhere above New Jersey. There were five people on board: the pilot, Michael Jordan, Bill Gates, the Dali Lama, and a hippie. Suddenly, an illegal oxygen generator exploded loudly in the luggage compartment, and the passenger cabin began to fill with smoke. The cockpit door opened, and the pilot burst into the compartment.
"Gentlemen," he began, "I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that we're about to crash in New Jersey. The good news is that there are four parachutes, and I have one of them!" With that, the pilot threw open the door and jumped from the plane.
Michael Jordan was on his feet in a flash. "Gentlemen," he said, "I am the world's greatest athlete. The world needs great athletes. I think the world's greatest athlete should have a parachute!" With these words, he grabbed one of the remaining parachutes, and hurtled through the door and into the more...
A cat and a rooster are walking down the street and come to this huge puddle...
Rooster: I bet you couldn't jump over that puddle if your life depended on it!
Cat: Oh yeah? I could do it on my worst day.
* The cat takes a huge run and lands in the middle of the puddle... the rooster laughs his head off *
What's the moral of this story you ask? For every wet pussy there's a happy cock.
Traveling down a remote country road one day, a motorist came to a stop in front of a giant puddle covering the entire road. He noticed a farmer leaning on a fence,
contemplating the puddle. "Hey mister, think it's safe to cross?" he yelled."Oh, I reckon so." The farmer replied.The man drove on into the puddle, where his car was immediately swallowed up. The puddle was so deep, he had to escape through the window and swim back to the edge. When he climbed out he was furious with the old farmer. "I thought you said it was safe to cross!"The farmer stood back and scratched his head. "Well, heck, it only came up chest-high on my ducks!"
I will not bathe my dog after he bathes himself in the mud puddle.
I will not push my dog away when she wants a hug after playing in a mud puddle.
I will not complain "My arm is tired" after only throwing the ball 20 times.
I will not confuse my dog by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.
I will not ask my dog to play fetch with a boomerang.
I will not drag my dog away from the interesting sniffing spots.
I will drop whatever I'm doing and take my dog out as soon as he asks me to.
I will not tell my dog to hurry up already when he's looking for just the right spot to take care of business.
I will not stare while my dog is doing his business.
I will not feed the cat before I feed my dog.
I will get rid of that cat.
I will not bring home any more cats.
I will never eat until my dog has tasted what I have and approved it for me.
I will share everything I eat with my dog.
I will set up the kiddie pool every more...
This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your human when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment for him/her. 1. I will not bathe my master after he bathes himself in the mud puddle. 2. I will not drag my master from the interesting sniffing spots. 3. I will not complain "My arm is tired" after only throwing the ball 20 times. 4. I will not confuse my master by throwing snowballs for him to fetch. 5. I will not ask my master to play fetch with a boomerang. 6. I will drop whatever I'm doing and take my master out as soon as he asks me to. 7. I will get rid of those cats. 8. I will not tell my master to hurry up already when he's looking for just the right spot to take care of business. 9. I will make ice cream often and let my master lick the blades (rather than having to steal a lick or two). 10. I will never eat until my master has tasted what I have and approved it for me. 11. I will set up the kiddie pool every more...
Tying your horse's reins to a post does no good if you then remove the bridle.
When throwing your saddle over your horse's back, do not let go. See Law of Inertia: a body in motion tends to remain in motion.
Forgetting to tighten the girth before swinging into the saddle gives you a whole new perspective of your horse.
Before using a crop to encourage your horse to move, be sure it is facing the direcftion you wish to go.
On a five mile long road with a single mud puddle in it, your horse will shy when you are most likely to fall in the puddle. Same for a single cactus in the desert.
It is a mistake to believe horses have no sense of humor. They think we are funny.
A neophyte rider need waste no time being concerned for his horse's welfare. Your horse knows all about being a horse. Concentrate on your own well being.
Horses smell FEAR. Deodorant won't help.