Pull Jokes / Recent Jokes
A preacher is buying a parrot.
"Are you sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?" asked the preacher.
"Oh absolutely. It's a religious parrot," the storekeeper assures him.
"Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord's prayer, and when you pull on the left he recites the 23rd Psalm."
"Wonderful!" says the preacher, "but what happens if you pull both strings?"
"I fall off my perch, you stupid fool!" screeched the parrot.
Q. Why did the snowman pull down his pants?
A. He heard the snowblower was coming...
When the good Lord was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. A female angel nearby said, "What kind of father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping. And God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him childsize, who would children have to look up to?"And when God made a father's hands, they were large and sinewy. The angel shook her head sadly and said, "Large hands are clumsy. They can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats." And God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day, yet small enough to cup a child's face."And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders. The angel nearly had more...
A Brunette, a Redhead and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a
blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!" The Brunette jumps and SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away. The Brunette slams into the sidewalk like a tomato."C'mon! Jump! You gotta jump!" say the firemen to the Redhead. "Oh no! You're gonna pull the blanket away!" says the Redhead. "No! It's Brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with Redheads!" "OK," says the Redhead, and she jumps. SWISH! The firemen yank the blanket away, and the lady is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally, the Blonde steps to the edge of the roof. Again, the firemen yell, "Jump! You have to jump!""No way! You're just gonna pull the blanket away!" yelled the Blonde."No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket more...
Greatest Pain
One day, a man walked into the dentist"s office for some dental work.
The dentist said, "Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?"
The man looked at the dentist and said, "None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life."
The dentist said, "Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller."
The man looked back at the dentist and said, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare."
The dentist said, "Sir, I"m telling you, use a painkiller."
The man again said to the dentist, "I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth."
The dentist then said, "Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?"
The man said, "Yes, I remember it well. I more...
A blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what was the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always came to this door, but I couldn't open it. I kept pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Did the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes.
When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop.
If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light, it is okay to proceed through the intersection, regardless of the current color of the light.
The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a Porsche.
If you paid more than $60, 000 for your car, you automatically have the right of way, regardless of the situation. This is especially applicable in parking lots.
Drive as quickly as possible through parking structures. Pass any open spot by at least four car lengths before backing up to claim it. Disregard the angry mob that has formed behind you.
Get to know your horn. Use it as often as possible.
While driving on the more...