Pull Jokes / Recent Jokes

Imagine a farm. On the farm there live a chick and a horse. One day the horse gets stuck in a swamp at the bottom of a field so it says:
"Help Chick pull me out!"
The chick obliges and gets it's Harley Davidson to help pull horse out and all is well.
Two weeks later chick gets stuck in the same swamp and shouts for horse to help.
Horse comes to the rescue and straddles the swamp saying "Grab on!". Sure enough he pulls chick safely out of the swamp.
And the moral of the story is:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a bike to pull chicks!

From a Southwest Airlines employee...." Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you"d better be delivering a package, because you"re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter"s body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don"t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, infact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers more...

Three scientists were one day discussing what would happen if they rammed a cork up an elephant's backside and force fed it for 2 weeks. But because the experiment had never been documented and the idea was hard to comprehend they decided to have a go. A week after the experiment had started they began to realize WHY the idea had never been tried: they were stuck for someone to pull the cork out. One of the scientists came up with the bright idea of training a monkey to do the job, so they spent the next week training it to pull out corks once a buzzer had rung, then push it back in for another go. When the big day arrived they set up all the monitoring equipment and moved out to a safe distance. The first scientist went 1 mile away, the second went 2 miles away and the third went 3 miles. When they were all ready the first scientist pushed the button to sound the buzzer. BBBAAANNNGGG!!!!!!! The third scientist (3 miles away) was up to his ankles in shit, the second (2 miles away) was more...

181. Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.


182. Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.


183. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.


184. Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A golden retriever.


185. Q: How do you check a blonde's IQ?
A: With a tire gauge.


186. Q: How does a blonde interpret
6. 9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.


187. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Doughnut seeds!"


188. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.


189. Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you more...

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled,' 'Pull, Nellie, pull!'' Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered,' 'Pull, Buster, pull!'' Buddy didn't respond. Once more the farmer commanded,' 'Pull, Coco, pull!'' Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said,' 'Pull, Buddy, pull!'' And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said,' 'Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!''

Top 50 Worst Reasons to pull an all-nighter
by Jeremy "Shaggy" Toeman ([email protected])
NOTE: an all-nighter means missing one night's worth of sleep.
Heated "Less-filling" "Tastes great" debate.
Need to figure out which way is east. Wait for sunrise.
Watching Professional Wrestling.
Writing script to "Problem Child 3" in an attempt to put to rest all
the unanswered questions from 1 and 2.
Cramming for a test you have the following week.
Waiting for friend to call back with answer to "How do you keep an
idiot up all night?"
Anything involving latin, Taylor's series, or heat transfer.
Attempting to discover how many licks it takes to get to the center
of a Tootsie Pop.
Slightly confused on that whole 5 o'clock shadow thing.
Listening to every CD you own using that cool "intro" feature that
comes in SO handy with every CD player available.
John more...