Punter Jokes

Words were the big topic of the million dollar television quiz show where Professor Geewhiz challenged the audience to stump him with a word he couldn't put into a sentence.

"Garn!" shouted a bloke in the third row.

"Garn?" said the professor, "Garn? It's not a swear word, is it?"

"No," said the punter in the third row, "Garn."

Time elapsed, the buzzer went and the crowd applauded.

"You've stumped him," said the MC, "How do you use the word, sir?"

"Garn get fucked," said the punter who was immediately thrown out and the show closed until further notice.

It took the network twelve months to get over it. Finally they had the gumption to start it up again with the proviso that they would have to screen the audience in future.

On the opening night they scrutinized each member of the public as they arrived before asking for more...

Those vexatious software companies.
 
We all know about them. Their software products range from user friendly software to the truly inimical software. Most people would tell you that the majority of software fall in to the latter category. Why?, One might ask. Well, it's just the way it is. To elaborate my point, I present you with the following "Important Notice" I found on the back side of a certain software package.
Important Notice to the purchaser.
 The purchaser of this package, hereinafter referred to as the goose punter, is requested to read the under mentioned notice, and on opening and breaking the seal of this package, shall be deemed to have agreed to the following terms.
 The goose punter undertakes to use the software on one computer only, and not to duplicate the software on to other computers whether owned by the goose punter or not.
 The goose punter also undertakes not to complain about the ridiculously complicated copy more...