Purse Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up. "Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?" She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew. As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.
"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?"
She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning."

A lawyer and a lady are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The lady just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!" Figuring that since she is tired he will easily win the match.

This catches the lady's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the more...

While on his evening walk Santa Sing found a money-purse on the road. He was worried about the agony of the loser of the purse and wanted to return it to its owner. In spite of his best efforts he could not find out who the owner was.
Then Santa put a notice on a wall near the spot where he found the purse:
FOUND A MONEY PURSE,
BLACK COLOR,
CONTAINING RS. 2875/-,
A PHOTO OF A SARDAARJI
AND A CREDIT CARD
OF THE BANK OF PUNJAB
IN THE NAME OF ONE
MR. BANTA SINGH.
OWNER OF THE PURSE
MAY CONTACT WITH
ADEQUATE PROOF OF
OWNERSHIP.
SD/-
SANTA SINGH
(ADDRESS)

A good friend of mine was recently touring Scotland. After stopping in a local store he spied a kilt that he absolutely had to have. After haggling with the shopkeeper for an extended period of time, they arrived at a mutually agreeable price far below that which was posted.My friend then took out his velcro wallet and proceeded to open it, at which point the shopkeeper exclaimed "Ay, now that is a good Scotch purse, it even screams when ye open it!"

A woman gets on a bus, as she passes the driver he grabs his throat and makes choking noises. The woman starts crying and hits the driver with her purse. A few minutes later the buzzer goes off and the lady passes the driver as she is getting off the bus.
The driver again grabs his throat and makes choking noises. The lady starts crying and again hits the driver with her purse.
A passenger sitting behind the driver whose curiosity has gotten the better of him asked the driver, "What is that all about?"
The driver replies, "Oh, her daughter hanged herself last night and I'm just teasing her."

One day Johnnie goes up to his mother and asks:"Mom, how old are you?"
Mom: "That's a personal question. You don't ask those kinds of personal questions to women."
"How much do you weigh?"
Mom: "You're too young to understand that you don't ask those kind of questions to women."
"Why did Dad leave us?"
Mom: "You're too young to understand that too, I'll tell you when you're older"
So Johnnie goes back to school and tells his friend: "My mom doesn't want to tell me how old she is or what she weighs. She doesn't answer any of my questions"
His friend replies: "You should go into her purse and look at her driver's license. All your questions will be answerd.
Johnnie goes back home and look into his mom's purse and looks at her driver's license and goes to his mom:
"Mom, you're 39 years old."
Mom: "Yeah that's right I am."
"And you weigh 55 more...