Purse Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two young boys were discussing their parents, when one realized he really knew very little about his mother. Arriving home that evening, he began to interrogate her.
"How old are you, Mom?" he asked.
"None of your business," replied his mother.
"Okay, then how much do you weigh?"
"That's none of your business either, young man," she said.
The boy thought for a minute, then delivered his final bombshell. "Well then, can you tell me why you and daddy got divorced?"
Shocked and appalled, mom sent him to bed without supper.
The next day, the kid reported his failure to his friend. "I know!" said his buddy. "Just look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll tell you everything you want to know."
Later that day, mom found her son next to her disemboweled purse, holding her driver's license. "Just what the heck do you think you are doing?" she snapped.
"Well, you more...

Instructions for the guys: 1. Pull up to ATM2. Insert Card3. Enter PIN4. Take cash, card and receipt5. Drive awayInstructions for the Gals: 1. Pull up to ATM2. Back up and pull forward to get closer3. Shut off engine4. Put keys in purse5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine6. Hunt for card in purse7. Insert card8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it9. Enter PIN10. Study instructions11. Hit "CANCEL"12. Re-enter correct PIN13. Check balance14. Look for envelope15. Look in purse for pen16. Make out deposit slip17. Endorse checks18. Make deposit19. Study instructions20. Make cash withdrawal21. Get in car 22. Check makeup23. Look for keys24. Start car25. Check makeup26. Start pulling away27. Stop28. Back up to machine29. Get out of car30. Take card and receipt31. Get back in car32. Put card in wallet33. Put receipt in checkbook34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook36. Check makeup37. Put more...

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed.

For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that`s bad.

Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad.

Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned.

Exasperated, Peter says, "Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I`m trying to help. Now think!"

The man says, "There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell`s Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her.

I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I then went up to the biggest, baddest biker more...

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the more...

A smart blonde (no, that's not the joke) goes into a bank in New York and asks if she can take out a loan of $1000. The banker, not trusting the woman, asks her for collateral. The woman decides she'll give the man her brand new BMW for collateral until she can pay the man back. The banker, thinking that she's such a dumb blonde she's willing to put a car worth a ton of money up for a measly $1000, jumps on the deal, so he takes the car and gives her the money.
2 months later, the blonde comes back with a briefcase and opens it up before the banker. Inside is the $1000 neatly placed inside. The banker is amazed but responds, "Um, you forgot the interest. It'll be $50."
The blonde quietly takes out her purse and pulls out a crisp new $50 bill. The teller also caught a quick glance at the inside of her purse and noticed numerous amounts of $50s, $100s and even a $1000 bill.
The banker replies, "Wow, did that $1000 dollars I lent you help you make all more...

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if
she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take
a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to
catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and
a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she
politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know
the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will
pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will
easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and
figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she
plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first more...

Santa And A Lawyer Are Seated Next To Each Other On A Flight From Patiala To New Delhi. The Lawyer Asks If He Would Like To Play A Fun Game. Santa, Tired, Just Wants To Take A Nap, So He Politely Declines And Rolls Over To The Window To Catch A Few Winks. The Lawyer Persists And Explains That The Game Is Easy And A Lot Of Fun. He Says, "I Ask You A Question, And If You Don't Know The Answer, You Pay Me Fifty Rupees, And Vice Versa."


Again, Santa Declines And Tries To Get Some Sleep. The Lawyer, Now Agitated, Says, "Okay, If You Don't Know The Answer, You Pay Me Rs. 50, And If I Don't Know The Answer, I Will Pay You Rs. 5000."

This Catches Santa's Attention And, Figuring There Will Be No End To This Torment, Agrees To The Game. The Lawyer Asks The First Question: "What's The Distance From The Earth To The Moon?"

Santa Doesn't Say A Word, Reaches Into His Purse, Pulls Out A Rs. 50 Bill, And Hands It To The Lawyer. more...