Purse Jokes / Recent Jokes

HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Insert card
3. Enter PIN number and account
4. Take cash, card and receipt
5. Leave

HER:
1. Pull up to ATM
2. Check makeup in rearview mirror
3. Shut off engine
4. Put keys in purse
5. Get out of car because she's too far from machine
6. Hunt for card in purse
7. Insert card
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it
9. Enter PIN number
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number
12a. Hit "cancel"
12b. Call husband to get correct PIN number
13. Check balance
14. Look for envelope
15. Look in purse for pen
16. Make out deposit slip
17. Endorse checks
18. Make deposit
19. Study instructions
20. Make cash withdrawal
21. Get in car
22. Check makeup
23. Look for keys
24. Start car
25. Check more...

A lawyer and a blonde woman were sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer leaned over to her and asked if sjie would like to play a fun game. The blonde declined and turned towards the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persisted, saying that the game was really easy and a lot of fun. He explained,' I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and vice-versa.'
Again, the blonde politely declined and tried to get some sleep. The lawyer made another offer:' Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50.'
The blonde agreed. The lawyer asked the first question.' What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'
The blonde silently reached into her purse, pulled out a five-dollar bill, and handed it to the lawyer. Then she asked the lawyer,' What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer took out his laptop computer and searched all his more...

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa. ” Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500. ” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon? ” The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5. 00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. “Okay, ” says the lawyer, more...

If an Asian girl was really Asian, she... be wearing platforms be wearing flares has one of those fake-ass voices on the phone carries a big-ass purse carries hella pictures of her homies in the purse knows everybody in town thinks she knows about cars, but really don't always be fiending for "pho" lies about her age when y'all first meet thinks she knows how to drive talks hella fast on your voice mail has a 800 or 888 number shares a 800 or 888 with her homies carries a pager for the time has money but is hella cheap when it comes to paying has taken studio pictures more than 7 times a month wears a(n) Nautica, Tommy, Polo, Nike, or Adidas jacket wears those fake-ass leather jackets is seen every week at the mall wear tight see-through shirts never goes anywhere without at least her homie or her cousin seems to be cousins with all the females in town drives hella crazy... cuz she can't reach the pedal all the way thinks she's fat... when she's like a little toothpick likes more...

A lady was taking a stroll through the woods when a little white duck, all covered with poop, suddenly crossed her path.
"Oh my, you poor little thing," she exclaimed. "Come on, I'll clean you." She took a tissue from her purse and cleaned the little critter.
She walked a little farther and another duck, also covered with poop, crossed her path. Again she took a tissue from her purse and cleaned the little bird.
Then she encountered a third duck who was in the same condition as the previous two. For the third time, she acted like Florence Nightingale.
She continued on her way and soon heard a voice calling to her from the bushes...
"Pssssst... Hey, lady!"
"Yes?" she replied.
"Would you happen to have a tissue?" the voice asked.
"No, I'm sorry. Not anymore," she answered.
"Damn! Have ya' seen any ducks?" asked the voice.

* This is a good reminder, for all of us. You can never read this
too many times!!
1. Tip from police: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough, USE IT!
2. If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you....chances are that he is more
interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!
3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has
saved lives.
4. Women have a tendency to get into their car after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc.) DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to more...

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on an airplane. The lawyer gets bored, so he looks over to the blond and smiles, thinking maybe he can make use of his time. "Hey," he says to the blonde, "Do you want to play a game?" The blonde shakes her head and goes back to her reading.
Five minutes later, the lawyer asks her again. She shakes her head again. When the lawyer asks her for a third time, she is exasperated and finally asks him what the game is just to get this lawyer off her back.
"It's simple. I ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you give me five bucks. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll give you five bucks." Seeing the blonde looks skeptical, he smiles, thinking she doesn't look very smart so he'll still make money if he changes things around a little bit. "Fine, how about this - if I get the question you ask me wrong, I pay you a HUNDRED bucks instead." Finally the more...