Purse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an
honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented,
“Hmmm…. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there
are twenty $1 bills. ” The boy quickly replied, “That’s right, lady. The last
time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward. ”

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa." Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000." This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, more...

Mabel has a habit of racing up and down the halls of the nursing home in her wheelchair, making sounds like she's driving a car.
One day, as she's racing down the hall, an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but you were speeding. May I see your driver's license, please."
Mabel digs around her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper and hands it to him.
He looks it over, gives Mabel a warning and sends her on her way.
Up and down the halls she goes. Again, the same old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me, ma'am, but I saw you cross the center line back there. May I see your registration, please."
She digs around her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him.
He looks it over, issues her another warning and sends her on her way.
Off she zooms again, up and down the halls, weaving all over the place.
As she comes to the old man's room again, he jumps out, but this time he's stark more...

A large dog walks into a butcher's shop with a purse in its mouth. He puts the purse down and sits in front of the meat case. "What is it, boy?" the butcher asks, joking around with his customers. "Want to buy some meat?"
"Woof!" barks the dog.
"Hmm," says the butcher. "What kind? Liver, bacon, steak-"
"Woof!" interrupts the dog.
"And how much steak? Half a kilo, one kilo-"
"Woof!" says the dog. The amazed butcher wraps up the meat and finds the money in the dog's purse.
As the dog leaves, the butcher decides to follow. The dog enters an apartment house, climbs to the third floor, and begins to scratch on the door. With that, the door swings open and an angry man starts shouting at the dog.
"Stop!" yells the butcher. "What are you doing? That's the most clever animal I've ever seen!"
"Clever?" counters the man. "This is the third time this more...

A blonde was speeding in a 35 mile per hour zone when a local police officer pulled her over and walked up to the car. The officer also happened to be a blonde and she asked for the blonde's driver's license.
The driver searched frantically in her purse for a while and finally said to the blonde policewoman, "What does a driver's license look like?"
Irritated, the blonde cop said, "You dummy, it's got your picture on it!"
The blonde driver frantically searched her purse again and found a small, rectangular mirror down at the bottom. She held it up to her face and said, "Aha! This must be my driver's license" and handed it to the blonde policewoman.
The blonde cop looked in the mirror, handed it back to the driver and said, "You're free to go. And, if I had known you were a police officer too, we could have avoided all of this."

While on his evening walk santa sing found a money-purse on the road. He was worried about the agony of the loser of the purse and wanted to return it to its owner. In spite of his best efforts he could not find out who the owner was.

Then santa put a notice on a wall near the spot where he found the purse:

Found a money purse,
Black color,
Containing rs. 2875/-,
A photo of a sardaarji
And a credit card
Of the bank of punjab
In the name of one
Mr. Banta singh.

Owner of the purse
May contact with
Adequate proof of
Ownership.

Sd/-
Santa singh
(address)

HIS
Pull up to ATM
Insert card
Enter PIN number and account
Take cash, card and receipt
HERS
Pull up to ATM
Check makeup in rearview mirror
Shut off engine
Put keys in purse
Get out of car because you're too far from machine
Hunt for card in purse
Insert card
Hunt in purse for gum wrapper with PIN number written on it
Enter PIN number
Study instructions for at least 2 minutes
Hit "cancel"
Re-enter correct PIN number
Check balance
Look for envelope
Look in purse for pen
Make out deposit slip
Endorse checks
Make deposit
Study instructions
Make cash withdrawal
Get in car
Check makeup
Look for keys
Start car
Check makeup
Start pulling away
STOP
Back up to machine
Get out of car
Take card and receipt
Get back in car
Put card in wallet
Put receipt in checkbook
Enter deposits and more...