Pushes Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Black Onyx Box
A well dressed gentleman passes a curio shop and sees a beautiful black onyx box in the window. He likes it, so goes in to learn what it costs.
He asks the proprietor how much it is, and the proprietor says "$5,000".
"Wow," the gentleman says, "can I see what is in it that makes it so expensive?"
"Sure," says the proprietor and he opens the black onyx box. Inside is a beautiful realistic looking pussy.
The gentleman pulls his checkbook out when he says, "Hmmm, for $5,000 a pussy should be wet."
The proprietor picks up the black onyx box and flips a lid down on the side, exposing three buttons. He pushes one and instantly the pussy is wet.
The gentlemans mouth waters and takes his pen out but stops and says, "No, for $5,000 a pussy should be warm."
The proprietor pushes the second button, and instantly the pussy is radiating heat. The gentleman can feel the heat and starts to more...

A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde." "I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door."An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best ground beef. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb."Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the ankles. more...

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door." An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket. The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day. The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb." Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?" Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at more...

there was a guy who had to use the bathroom really bad and the men's line was too long
so he asks the lady if he can use the womens and she said "
yes just dont touch any buttons"
he said "
ok i wont"
so he goes in and sits down,
he pushes the first button and it blows up warm water
he says "
that feel good"
so he pushes the second button and it blew up warm air and he said "
ooo that feels good"
he pushed the third button that said A.T.P. under it and the guy said "
i wonder what this does"
so he pushes it and he screams.
what do u think A.T.P. means...
A-automatic
T-tampon
P-puller

There was this guy who was on airplane, he had to go to the bathroom really bad.. Well everytime he would go to the bathroom someone was always in it.So he finally asked the flight attendant if he could use the ladies room.
She said, well sir I'm not sure if that would be a good idea, you see there are buttons in there.
He says, Oh please please I really have to go and I promise I won't push any buttons.
So she tells him go ahead, just don't push any buttons. So he goes in there he's sitting on the toilet doing his duty. Well he looks over and sees three buttons. One is yellow, one is red and one is green. He pushes the yellow button and out comes water and sprays his behind.He thinks "wow that felt good, I'll press the red button".So he pushes the red button and out comes a powder puff and dries him off and powders him.So then he pushes the green button.. He passes out and wakes up in hospital. He looks up at the flight attendant and she says "you pushed more...

A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams.
The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"
"No, " she says, " I'm actually a Blonde."
"I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."