Quarter Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy suddenly says: "I need a cigarette."
"But honey," his lover says. "The store closes in two minutes. You'll never have time to get to the store, and get dressed."
"That's okay," He quips. "I'll just run down there naked, and if anyone sees me, I'll pretend I'm a statue."
So the young man ran down to the store, got two packs of cigarettes (this store was obviously in a heavy nudist area or something), and starts to run back. The car is in sight, and he has a few more yards to go, when all of the sudden three nuns round the corner. He panics, and freezes like a statue, his beloved cigarettes in one hand.
The first nun walks over to the young man. "Oh! What a beautiful cigarette dispenser!" She exclaimed. She sticks a quarter up his ass, pulls on more...

There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy suddenly says: "I need a cigarette.""But honey," his lover says. "The store closes in two minutes. You'll never have time to get to the store, and get dressed.""That's okay," He quips. "I'll just run down there naked, and if anyone sees me, I'll pretend I'm a statue."So the young man ran down to the store, got two packs of cigarettes (this store was obviously in a heavy nudist area or something), and starts to run back. The car is in sight, and he has a few more yards to go, when all of the sudden three nuns round the corner. He panics, and freezes like a statue, his beloved cigarettes in one hand.The first nun walks over to the young man. "Oh! What a beautiful cigarette dispenser!" She exclaimed. She sticks a quarter up his ass, pulls on his dong, and he more...

This one time, i was in the back of a bus, and all of a sudden a big red chimp came and hit me in the sac. I was very angry. Another time i got this candy bar for a quarter and this quarter was from the year 2009 and so far that year is not here, but anyways im getting off subject here, so like i was saying this candy bar had a lot of nuts i think i counted the nuts on it and there was like 50023 in one little square centimeter, and if you didnt know my favorite color is pinkish beighesih bluish redish purple and my favorite number has got to be about 100541450853183218502873.043, but like i was saying this candy bar had so much chocolate that after i ate it, my shit was all brown, and my shit is usually about that greenish yellow stage, o and if this makes no sense, heres a little story for you: once i was riding my head and reading a video game, and all of a sudden this big mailbox came out of nowhere and i hit my bike, it was so crazy. but anyways, this one time, at band camp, i more...

A father walks into a book store with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face.

The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the book store. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.

Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the coin to the father and more...

An old man operated a street corner pretzel stand, selling the pretzels for a quarter each. Each day at lunch time, a young lawyer would pass the stand, leave the man twenty-five cents, but never take a preztel.
This continued for a number of years and throughout that time, they had never spoken.
One day as the lawyer passed the pretzel stand, he left his quarter as usual and the old man finally spoke to him. "Sir, I do appreciate your business and you've been an excellent customer, but I must tell you that the price for the preztels has increased to thirty-five cents."

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to his mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out. Everyone was amazed, the father said "You must be an expert!" The man replied, "No sir I'm just a tax collector."

A man walks into a bar and says, “Bartender, give me two shots. ” Bartender says, “You want them both now or one at a time? ” The guy says, ” Oh, I want them both now. One’s for me and one’s for this little guy here, ” and he pulls a tiny three inch man out of his pocket.
The bartender asks “He can drink? ”
“Oh, sure. He can drink. ”
So the bartender pours the shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.
“That’s amazing” says the bartender. “What else can he do, can he walk? ”
The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says, “Hey, Jake. Go get that. ” The little guy runs down to the end of the bar and picks up the quarter. Then he runs back down and gives it to the man.
The bartender is in total shock. “That’s amazing” he says, “what else can he do? Does he talk? ”
The man says “Sure he talks, hey, Jake, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you made fun of that witch more...