Quarter Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy suddenly says: "I need a cigarette." "But honey," his lover says. "The store closes in two minutes. You'll never have time to get to the store, and get dressed." "That's okay," He quips. "I'll just run down there naked, and if anyone sees me, I'll pretend I'm a statue." So the young man ran down to the store, got two packs of cigarettes (this store was obviously in a heavy nudist area or something), and starts to run back. The car is in sight, and he has a few more yards to go, when all of the sudden three nuns round the corner. He panics, and freezes like a statue, his beloved cigarettes in one hand. The first nun walks over to the young man. "Oh! What a beautiful cigarette dispenser!" She exclaimed. She sticks a quarter up his ass, pulls on his dong, and he more...

I wish I was one of your tears, so I could be born in your eye, run down your cheek, and die on your lips. Did you know they changed the alphabet? They put U and I together. Can I borrow that quarter,' cause my mom told me to call home when I fell in loveWhat's wrong? You're looking a little sad and gloomy. What you need is some vitamin me. Are your legs tired?' cause you been running through my mind ALL day long. Are you lost?' cause it's so strange to see an angel so far from heaven. Is your father a thief?' cause he stole the sparkle from the stars, and put it in your eyes. (yo, watch out though, and be prepared with a snappy answer just in case she says' yes')Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk by you again? What's that in your eye? Oh... it's a sparkle. If I said you were an angel, would you treat me like the devil tonight? Can I see that label? I just wanted to know if you were made in heaven. Do you like raisins? How about a date? So... How am I doin'? I more...

A father walked into the market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid was spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walked through the market, someone bumped into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin went straight into his mouth and lodged in his throat. He immediately started choking and going blue in the face, and his Dad started panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged man in a gray suit was sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion he looked up, put his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folded his newspaper and placed it on the counter. He got up from his seat and made his way nonchalantly across the market. Reaching the boy, the man carefully took hold of the kid's gonads and squeezed gently but firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulsed violently and coughed up the quarter, which the man caught in his free hand. Releasing the more...

Ben and Zero are talking when Ben says, "Hey, Zero, if you can tear this piece of paper in half, I'll give you a quarter." Zero then proceeds to tear the paper in half. Ben takes one of the halves, tears it in half, and gives it to Zero, saying, "Here's your quarter!"
Zero wanders off, saying how neat that is and wouldn't it be great to find someone else to pull this on.
He meets Tommy, and says, "If you can tear this piece of paper in half, I'll give you 25 cents..."

The Top 10 Things You Should Not Say To A Security Guard When Caught Stealing Coins From A Mall Fountain
& & 1. "Isn`t there a robbery at the Orange Julius you should be investigating?"
& & 2. I`m searching for a hard to find 1998 nickel."
& & 3. "DUH!! The Gap is having a sale!"
& & 4. "Did you know that it now costs 35 cents to make a phone call?"
& & 5. "Thanks idiot... I had just made a wish that I could clean the fountain out and not get caught! Way to ruin that wish!!"
& & 6. "Have you seen that really cool gumball machine in the food court? It rolls down a spiral ramp!"
& & 7. "I`m at the last level of Mortal Kombat IV and I need another quarter."
& & 8. "I`m trying to match the exact amount of your worthless paycheck you Barney Fife wannabe!"
& & 9. "See.. I need a quarter to make a phone call to my Kleptomaniacs Anonymous sponsor and that`s why I`m more...

A dad walks into a market followed by his ten-year-old son. The kid is spinning a quarter in the air and catching it between his teeth. As they walk through the market, someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment. The coin goes straight into his mouth and lodges in his throat. He immediately starts choking, going blue in the face and dad starts panicking, shouting for help. A well-dressed middle-aged, moderately attractive but serious woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market, reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds her newspaper and places it on the counter. She then gets up from her seat and makes her unhurried way across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy’s testicles and squeezes gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds, the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, more...

There was once this couple who had been married for a long time, but could never get along very well. Many times, late at night there would be screams and shouts from their house. One day the old man said, "I'm sick and tired of you. When I die, I will come out of my grave to haunt you." After this, the old guy started practising black magic. All the dissapeareces of people, cats, dogs, etc. were blamed on him. At the age of 80 the old guy dies, and his wife puts him in a casket. Later that night, she goes to the bar and parties as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbour comes up to her and says, "Aren't you scared that the old guy will dig up and haunt you?" The old lady camly replied, "Eh, let him keep digging. I put the casket the other way around."
Cigarette Dispenser "There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy more...