Quiet Jokes / Recent Jokes

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve Santa Claus landed on a rooftop and suddenly he heard a very loud, "Snort sniff honk honk snort!" coming from one of his reindeer.
Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn't know which one it was. It happened again, only louder this time. "Snort sniff honk honk snort!"
Dogs in the neighborhood began to bark. "Shhh!" Santa hissed. "Please be quiet!"
He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. "SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!" Lights came on all over the neighborhood and some people even stuck their heads out of their windows.
Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the reindeer and announced, "We are not more...

A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another o ne disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out more...

Aarons are dependable and talented.
Allens are preppy.
Alexes like porno, usually hot in a skater kinda way
Everyone has an Andy.
Bens are the smart, silent type.
Bills are the ones everyone chases and no one gets to keep.
Bob is the universal name.
Brads try too hard.
Brandons are dark haired, players.
Bretts are shy and clumsy.
Brians usually have only one good feature (but I haven't quite found it yet)
Calebs never grow up.
Carters are rich, power-hungry snobs.
Chads are hot, quiet but interesting once you get inside.
Charlies are walking sex.
Chris' are undefined and should remain so.
Craigs are a little misguided.
Dans are thick.
Daves are impossible to get over.
Dennis' are quiet, desperate flirts.
Devons are destined for trouble.
Doug is the nice guy that repulses you.
Eds are thbp
Eddies are fast.
Erics are forgettable.
Ethans smell.
Franks and more...

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious, I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to more...

South Africa, 1885. Coupla days before Rorkes Drift. 100 British soldiers (all dressed in that ridiculous red gear + bearskins) surrounded by 100,000 Zulus. It's been a long hot day and dusk is falling.
General Lord Upper-Class-Chinless-Wonder turns to his batman. "Corporal, it's too quiet. The natives are up to something and our relieving forces are still 2 days away".
Right on queue the sound of a chant, gradually rising, can be heard. Slowly but surely it reaches a deafening intensity. 100,000 Zulus all belting out their challenge - the prelude to battle.
Just as the soldiers think they can stand it no more the chanting ceases completely. Absolute silence. Almost audible in itself now the Zulus are hushed. The sound of war drums starts and gathers pace gradually until it is all around the defenders.
Once again the General turns to his loyal servant "Smith, I don't like the sound of those drums".
At which point all goes quiet and a Zulu pops more...

As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very quiet when they deliver presents on Christmas Eve so no one will know they are there. One Christmas Eve Santa Claus landed on a rooftop and suddenly he heard a very loud, "Snort sniff honk honk snort!" coming from one of his reindeer.Since he was in the sleigh behind them, he didn't know which one it was. It happened again, only louder this time. "Snort sniff honk honk snort!"Dogs in the neighbourhood began to bark. "Shhh!" Santa hissed. "Please be quiet!"He went to work lifting the sack of toys out of the sleigh when he heard it again, only a lot louder this time. "SNORT SNIFF HONK HONK SNORT!" Lights came on all over the neighbourhood and some people even stuck their heads out of their windows.Santa was horrified. Jumping back into the sleigh, he drove quickly back to the North Pole. He lined up all the reindeer and announced, "We are not going to deliver more...

He is not quiet; he is conversational minimalist.