Quotations Jokes / Recent Jokes
Nowe u two can rite gud! Howe two rite gudFrank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:Avoid alliteration. Always.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)Employ the vernacular.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.Contractions aren't necessary.Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.One should never generalize.Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ''I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''Comparisons are as bad as cliches.Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.Profanity sucks dick.Be more or less specific.Understatement is always best.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.One-word sentences? Never.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.The passive more...
Job Interview Quotations:
Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees.
A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.
An interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
A candidate fell and broke arm during interview.
A candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewers office.
A candidate explained that one of her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer.
A candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
A balding candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece.
An applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.
An more...
1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren't necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should never generalize. 10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 13. Be more or less specific. 14. Understatement is always best. 15. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 17. The passive voice is to be avoided. 18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 20. Who needs rhetorical questions? 21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse more...
Nowe u two can rite gud! Howe two rite gudFrank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising. My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules: Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. Contractions aren't necessary. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. One should never generalize. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ``I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''Comparisons are as bad as cliches. Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. Profanity sucks dick. Be more or less specific. Understatement is always best. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. One-word sentences? Never. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a more...
Nowe u two can rite gud!
Howe two rite gud
Frank L. Visco
Vice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:
Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ''I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks dick.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than more...