"Cannibal and Clown" joke
Nowe u two can rite gud! Howe two rite gudFrank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:Avoid alliteration. Always.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)Employ the vernacular.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.Contractions aren't necessary.Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.One should never generalize.Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ''I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''Comparisons are as bad as cliches.Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.Profanity sucks dick.Be more or less specific.Understatement is always best.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.One-word sentences? Never.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.The passive voice is to be avoided.Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.Who needs rhetorical questions? Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.And never start a sentence with a conjunction.
A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never more...
Two cats: Felix & Un-deux-trois, decided to have a race to see who could swim across the river first.Guess who won? Felix! Because Un-deux-trois cat sank.
(Un deux trois quatre cinq)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Three ministers - a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Baptist - and their wives were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and before long, they were standing before St. Peter.
First came the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter more...
2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, more...