"Cannibal and Clown" joke
Nowe u two can rite gud! Howe two rite gudFrank L. ViscoVice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:Avoid alliteration. Always.Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)Employ the vernacular.Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.Contractions aren't necessary.Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.One should never generalize.Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ''I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''Comparisons are as bad as cliches.Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.Profanity sucks dick.Be more or less specific.Understatement is always best.Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.One-word sentences? Never.Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.The passive voice is to be avoided.Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.Who needs rhetorical questions? Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.And never start a sentence with a conjunction.
Virgin Mary wanted to visit Hell, so she went to God and asked if she might do so. "Yes," God said. "I have only one warning for you. You must stay away from booze, drugs and men. Will you promise me so?" "Yes," Virgin Mary said. "And remember more...
A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? more...
Audrey Greyson was a busy housewife with a demanding husband, six children and a large house. The only relief Audrey got from her chores was the twice-a-week bridge game she shared with a dozen other women. The only flaw in the bridge club relationship was that Audrey loved to more...
An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna.
The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took more...