Quote Jokes / Recent Jokes

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".
Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."
My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.
My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.
My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too... but at least I respect him.
He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of more...

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to more...

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too... but at least I respect him.He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.Some people climb the more...

Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".
Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."
A motivational sign at work: The beatings will continue until morale improves. A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."
My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.
My Boss said to me " What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.
My Boss needs a surge protector. That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.
I thought my Boss was an idiot, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is an idiot, too. .. but at least I respect him.
He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the more...

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off. She started with “This was England’s finest hour. ” Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, “Winston Churchill. ” “Congratulations, ” said the teacher, “You may go home early. ” The teacher then said, “Ask not what your country can do for you, but.. ” Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts out, “John F. Kennedy! ” “Very good, ” says the teacher, “You may go also. ” Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, “I wish those girls would just shut up. ” Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, “Bill Clinton. I’ll see you Monday. ”

Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been more...

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks;
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)
What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter.
(Lykes Lines Shipping)
E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.
(Accounting manager, ElectricBoat Company)
This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.
(R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing 3M Corp.)
My more...