Racing Jokes / Recent Jokes
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church,
and being told there was a fortune in horse
racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter
it in the races. However, at the local auction,
the going price for horses was so high that the
preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher
figured, since he bought the animal, he might as
well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey
did quite well and came in third place. The next
day, the racing sheets carried this headline: Preacher Shows Ass The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that
he entered it in the races again, and this time
the animal won first place. The paper said: Preacher`s Ass Out In Front The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the preacher not to
enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper
printed this headline:
One of the least appealing aspects of adulthood is having to acknowledge the world for what it is and not turn it into something it should be. Kids don’t see the world for what it is – kids see the world as a huge playground.
Case in point: when I was 10 years old, my friend John and I accompanied John’s mother to the local supermarket. To John’s mother, the supermarket was a place to purchase groceries. For John and little me, it was an amusement park – complete with bumper cars (which the adults would only see as grocery carts) and racing speedways (which the adults call “aisles”).
With John’s mother wandering the aisle in search of whatever, John and I devised a new game. John would pilot a grocery cart and I would ride shotgun on the side of the cart. John would power this vehicle to zoom up and down the speedways (or aisles, if you will) with the idea of trying to dislodge me from my roost on the side of the cart. For a pair of 10 year olds, this more...
A preacher wanted to earn money for his church. He had heard there was big money in horse racing, so he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the race. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was too steep and the preacher ended up buying a donkey. The preacher figured since he had the donkey, he might as well enter it in the races. The next day the donkey came in third place.
The following day in the racing form, the headlines appeared: PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey the he entered the donkey the next day also. The donkey won. The racing form read:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The ranking Bishop was so upset with this publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in the races anymore. The headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
The Bishop, apoplectic, ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher donated the animal to a nearby convent. The following day the paper more...
I think it would be an overstatement to call it an addiction, but a few years ago I had a phase where I was pretty heavily into dog racing. I’d go down to the track three or four times a week. Eventually I just had to give it up because I was never winning anything.
Most dogs can run much faster than I can.
A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists. The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese could do to better the car. The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car, they than sent it to the U.K. The British scientists, to better the car, added a sound system and window tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese, who added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car. The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists, looked at the tiny car, appreciated all the modifications the other countries had made, turned it over and stamped a sign on it.... MADE IN INDIA!!!
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap. When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind. The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from hea d to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was. The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After a few more...
Once upon a time in a place where little sperms grow, there was a super jock sperm who spent all his time working out. He did things like lifting weights and running, his most important duty. All the other sperm were very curious about his pastimes.
"Why do you keep working out all the time," they asked.
"Well," he said, "Of all us sperms, only one of us is going to make it to the egg. And that is going to be me." Well, the other sperms just floated around waiting for the day to cum (pardon the expression). And it did, and they were off! All those sperms racing along and far out in front of them was the super jock sperm, racing so fast and so hard (ha HA ) that they couldn't see him any more, but they still kept cumming.
Alas, then, away in the distance, they heard a loud piercing scream. They still kept cumming though.
And then very shortly the super sperm appeared, screaming with all his might, "Go back, more...