Racing Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive rowing race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day they both felt ready. The Japanese won by a mile! Afterward, the American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem and recommend corrective action. The consultants' finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and one person steering; the American team had one person rowing (Working) and eight people steering (Freeloading ). After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the problem, the consulting firm concluded that too many were steering and not enough were rowing on the American team. (i. e., US Government! !!) So, as race day neared again the following year, the American team's structure was complete reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three more...
Once upon a time in a place where little sperms grow, there was a super jock sperm who spent all his time working out. He did things like lifting weights and running, his most important duty. All the other sperm were very curious about his pastimes."Why do you keep working out all the time," they asked."Well," he said, "Of all us sperms, only one of us is going to make it to the egg. And that is going to be me." Well, the other sperms just floated around waiting for the day to cum (pardon the expression). And it did, and they were off! All those sperms racing along and far out in front of them was the super jock sperm, racing so fast and so hard (ha HA ) that they couldn't see him any more, but they still kept cumming.Alas, then, away in the distance, they heard a loud piercing scream. They still kept cumming though.And then very shortly the super sperm appeared, screaming with all his might, "Go back, Go Back! IT'S A BLOW JOB!"
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church, and being told there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that the preacher settled on a donkey instead. The preacher figured, since he bought the animal, he might as well race it. To his great surprise, the donkey did quite well and came in third place. The next day, the racing sheets carried this headline:
Preacher Shows Ass
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again, and this time the animal won first place. The paper said:
Preacher's Ass Out In Front
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in any more races. The newspaper printed this headline:
Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass
This was too much for the Bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid more...
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.. .
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in more...
These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.
1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking
3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? more...
A farmer purchases a cute little filly for the purpose of racing her in the next season. When he gets the filly home, his old stallion smells her and wants her and starts kicking up dust. The farmer doesn't want her to get knocked up, because she won't be able to race, so he calls the vet.
The vet tells him to tie a bed sheet around the filly's rump to keep the stallion away. So, the farmer does just that.
The next day, the farmer goes out to the corral to make sure the vet's solution worked, but the filly's nowhere to be found. The farmer follows her hoof trail to the neighbor's farm, where he sees the neighbor's son out by their barn.
"Hey boy, did you see a filly run by with a bedsheet tied around her rump?" the farmer asks.
The boy replies, "No sir, but one dashed past here early this morning with a handkerchief sticking out of her butt!"