Radar Jokes / Recent Jokes

If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a Windows box crashed, he'd be a. ..
.... Oh, wait a minute, he already does and is.
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This article was seen in PC Week magazine.
"... it is a pleasure to read about the traffic cops who nearly stopped an air-to-surface missile in a speed trap on Dartmoor. The Devonshire Police were waving a radar gun at passing sheep when the display shot
up to 300 MPH and stuck there, a phenomenon explained seconds later by the appearance over the horizon of a Harrier Jet, flying fairly fast and very low and heading in the officers' general direction. This careless driving on the part of the Harrier soon became the subject of an official complaint, but the RAF replied that the officers should count their blessings. It turns out that the Harrier's on-board computer had locked on to the radar gun, and suspecting an enemy aircraft, had taken the liberty of arming the weapons. Imagine more...

The story goes that Air Force One was over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base "Requesting Radar". "What is you position?" asked ATC "You got radar you find us" Air Force One replied. After a few minutes ATC announced "Air Force One were changing frequency" "What frequency are you changing to?" asked Air Force One "Youve got 720 channels - you find us!" ATC replied.

Bob, was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding. Wouldn't you know it, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him to the side of the bridge. Bob pulled over like a good citizen.
The cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and said, "Uhh, 35?"
"SIXTY-SEVEN mph, son!" 67 mph in a 55 zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew, officer" replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer growled, in his normal sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a ticket and a fine!" The cop took a good close look at Bob, in his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why, I've never more...

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limitwhen the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture ofhis license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a thirdtime, at an even slower speed. Same result."This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-dutyofficer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: Each for not wearing a seat belt!

Radar: "Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees." Pilot: "Roger, but we are at 35, 000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?" Radar: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?"

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday, a woman passed
over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side
lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with
that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's
your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely
stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
"You give him a radar more...

A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching for speeders. But one day, when everyone was under the speed limit, the officer found the problem: a 10-year-old boy was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which read, "RADAR TRAP AHEAD."

A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "TIPS," and a bucket at his feet, full of change.