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All those who believe in telekinesis raise my hand.

Subject: TOP TEN ECONOMIST VALENTINES
10. YOU RAISE MY INTEREST RATE THIRTY BASIS POINTS WITHOUT A CORRESPONDING DROPOFF IN CONSUMER ENTHUSIASM
9. DESPITE A DECADE OF INFLATION, I STILL DIG YOUR SUPPLY CURVE
8. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE REMEASURE OUR CROSS-ELASTICITY
7. YOU BRING THE BUTTER, I'LL BRING THE GUN
6. LET'S RAISE HOUSING STARTS TOGETHER
5. FURTHER STIMULUS COULD RESULT IN UNCONTROLLED EXPANSION
4. TELL ME WHETHER MY EXPECTATIONS ARE RATIONAL
3. LET'S ASSUME A RITZY HOTEL ROOM AND A BOTTLE OF DOM
2. YOU STOKE THE ANIMAL SPIRITS OF MY MARKET
1. A LOAF OF BREAD, A JUG OF WINE, AND THOU BESIDE ME WATCHING RUKEYSER.

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed more...

Jingle Bells
My job smells
Rudolph wants a raise
Reindeer union was on strike
All of Christmas Day
Hey! Dancer took a bust
For a DUI
Prancer got possession
And now he's doing life
Missis Clause is mad
I stayed out all last night
And now she's getting a divorce
Because of this day's fight Jingle Bells
My job smells
Rudolph wants a raise
Reindeer union was on strike
All of Christmas Day
Hey! The cops here really stink
They don't know who I am
Got busted for doing sixty
In a fifty five
The Missis is a bitch
She won the divorce
And now I have to walk because
She got herself the sleighJingle Bells
My job smells
Rudolph wants a raise
Reindeer union was on strike
All of Christmas Day
Hey! All the elves they suck
Bunch a little pricks
Cannot make a descent toy
That won't take out my eye
I drank some sour milk
And poisoned cookies too
So I beat the living more...

To raise awareness for breast cancer, Major League Baseball will use pink bats on Mother’s Day. And to raise awareness for rampant steroid abuse, they will use tiny, shriveled balls.

"I have to have a raise," the secretary said to her boss. "There are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" asked the boss. "What other companies are after you?" "The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

In downtown Roanoke, at a crowded bus stop, a good friend of mine was waiting for her bus. She's very attractive and was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, much to her chagrin she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more more...