Ranger Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar drinking when in walks a cowboy who yells, “Who’s white horse it that outside? ” The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says, “It’s my horse. Why do you want to know? ” The cowboy looks at him and says, “Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun and he don’t look too good. ” The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to drink. It is then he notices that there isn’t a breeze so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down. Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and more...

One hot, dusty day, the Lone Ranger and Tonto ride into town and head for the first saloon they see, where they tie up their trusty steeds and go in for a cold one.
Some time later, a stranger enters the saloon and asks, "Who owns the white horse tied up outside?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger says. "Why do you ask?"
"Because it's collapsed and looks like it's dying," replies the stranger.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto rush outside to check on Silver.
"He's probably just suffering from heat exhaustion," the Lone Ranger says. "Tonto, why don't you run around Silver for awhile to help keep him cool."
The Lone Ranger goes back into the saloon. Half an hour later, another stranger walks in and asks, "Who owns the white horse out there?"
"That's my horse," the Lone Ranger replies. "What's the problem this time?"
"Oh, no problem," replies the stranger, more...

True story: A friend's mom was driving in Canada. She was going through a park area. She sped up. Suddenly, she was pulled over by a park ranger. She decided to see if she could be cute and get herself out of a speeding ticket. When the officer approached her car, she asked innocently, "Gee, officer, did you pull me over to give me a ticket to the policemen's ball?" To that, he replied, "No ma'am. We're Rangers! We don't have any balls!" He continued to write down some information. After about a half a minute, the ranger looked up, turned red, and muttered, "Never mind." He closed his ticket book, got in his car, and drove off - no ticket was issued.

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."
But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina.
"What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said' Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

The Lone Ranger & Tonto are camping in the desert, they have set up thier tent and are asleep.Some hours later, the lone ranger wakes his faithful friend.
"Tonto, look up and tell me what you see"
Tonto replies"Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"asks The Lone Ranger.Tonto ponders this for a minute and replies"Astrnomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies playing host to billions of stars & planets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.Timewise It appears to be 3:15am.Theologically, it is evidentthe Lord is all powerful and as small insignificant beings we pale in his presence.Meteorologically, we are in for a clear and beautiful day tomorrow with a light easterly breeze in the morning."
"What it tell you Kemo Sabi?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, looking at Tonto in amazement, then says:
"Tonto you F*CKWIT... Someone has stolen our tent."

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.
After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish.
Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger.
The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina."What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, "He said 'Screw you, Asshole. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"