Rations Jokes

For all you engineers (and other geniuses) who have difficulty converting units....
1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis? = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes? = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers? = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones? = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles? = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days? = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds? = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards? = 1 decacards
18. 1 more...

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton1 millionth of a mouthwash: 1 microscopeTime between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: 1 bananosecondWeight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigramTime it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod SerlingHalf of a large intestine: 1 semicolon1000 aches: 1 megahurtzBasic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarsepowerShortest distance between two jokes: A straight line (think about it for a moment)453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake1 million-million microphones: 1 megaphone1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles365.25 days: 1 unicycle2000 mockingbirds: two kilomockingbirds 10 cards: 1 decacards1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin10 rations: 1 decoration100 more...

10 rations == 1 decoration

HAPPINESS IS...
Infantry: A good rifle
Cavalry: A big tank
Artillery: A loud boom
UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise
Cavalry: Not loud enough
Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?
OTHER TRADES
Infantry: Waste of rations
Cavalry: Waste of rations
Artillery: Waste of rations
IDEA OF FUN
Infantry: Not having to "pepper-pot" an entire grid square before the objective
Cavalry: Racing across a grid square on "full stab"
Artillery: Leveling a grid square
FAVOURITE SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Cavalry: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!
BIGGEST LUXURY IN THE FIELD
Infantry: Engineers blowing trenches for them with C4
Cavalry: Grunts to dig their trenches for them
Artillery: Cable
A LONG ROUTE MARCH WITH FULL KIT
Infantry: 20 clicks
Cavalry: From the hangars to the tank
Artillery: more...