Rats Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness. The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
A man walked into a curio shop in Galveston Texas. Looking around at the exotica, he noticed a very life-like, life-size bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it looked so striking that he decided he must have it. He took it to the owner and asked, "How much is the bronze rat?"
"Twelve dollars for the rat; a hundred dollars if you bring it back," said the owner.
The man gave the shop owner twelve dollars. "I'll take the rat - and I won't be bringing it back."
As he walked down the street carrying the bronze rat, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of alleys and sewers, and began following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting, so he began to walk a little bit faster. Within a couple of blocks, the group of rats behind him grew to over a hundred, and they began squealing.
He started to trot towards the harbor. He took a nervous look around and saw that the rats numbered in the thousands, maybe in the more...
Da Nite Befo' Crizmus
Wuz da nit befo Crizmus
An all thru da hood
eberybody be sleepin'
Dey wuz sleepin real good
We hunged up our stockins
An hoped like all heck
Dat' ol Sanny Claws
Gonna brang us our check
All a da fambly
wuz layin' in beds
while Thunderbird wine
Danced thru dere heds
I dun passed out on de flo
rite nex to my maw
when I heared such a fuss
I thunk - it must be da law
I looked out thru da bars
what could I now do
I was spectin' the sheriff
Wid a warrant fo sho'
An what I did see
Made me say. .."Lawd look at dat
Dere wuz a huge watahmelon
Pulled by 8 big ass rats
Now ober all da years
Sanny Claws he be white
but it looks like us bros
gets a black Sanny tonight
Faster dan a po lice car
My homeboy he came
He whupped up on dem rats
As he called dem by name
On Leroy, On Roosevelt
On Virvus, On more...
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it.
The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'
He purchased the brass rat and left the store.
As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked - the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did - and all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?'
'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'
He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked - the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did - and all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?'
'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.'He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked - the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did - and all the rats drowned.He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?''Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, a golden rat interested him and he went to purchase it.
"That'll be $20 for the rat and $1,000 for the story behind it," said the shop owner.
"Thanks, but I'll just take the rat for $20 and leave the story". He bought the golden rat and left the store. While walking down the street, he saw all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked, even more rats came. He went down to the docks and still more rats ran out and followed him. So he walked out into the water, and all the rats drowned. He returned to the curio store soon after.
"Sooo," said the proprietor. "You've come back for the story, I thought so!"
"Nope," said the man. "Got any golden lawyers?"