Rats Jokes / Recent Jokes
Ebonics Crimmus Pome
Wuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' good
We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our check
All o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads
I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"
I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo sho
And what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats!!
Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite
Faster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name!
On Leroy, on 'Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see!!
As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' more...
Ebonics Crimmus PomeWuz de nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood ereybody wuz' sleepin' Dey wuz sleepin' goodWe hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck That ol Sanna Clause Be bringin' our checkAll o'de fambily Wuz layin in de beds While Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey headsI passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw When I heard sech a fuss I thunk: "It mus be de law!!!"I looked out thru de bars What covered my doe 'spectin' de sheriff Wif a warrent fo shoAnd what did I see I said, "Lawd look at dat!!" Ther' wuz a huge watermellon Pulled by giant warf rats! Now ober all de years Santa Clause, he be white But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis niteFaster dan a Po'lees car My home boy he came He whupped on dem warf rats An' called dem by name! On Leroy, on 'Lonzo And on Willie Lee On Saphire, on Chenequa Dey wuz a site to see! As he landed dat watta' mellon Out der in da skreet I knowed it was fo' sho' Da damndest site I ebber did seeHe didn't more...
The Warsaw dump was overrun by rats and the mayor sent in the Polish National Guard. A week later, the report the of the operation came out: 40% casualties, and 60% came out with war brides.
There was a man, who walked into a small Chinatown shop to look around.
He saw a golden rat, and asked the oriental behind the counter how much it
cost.
"Golden Rat, one hundred dollar. Story behind Golden Rat three
hundred dollar."
The man decided just to buy the Golden Rat, so he pays
for it and leaves.
A rat that was in the shop follows him out, as does a
rat in the alley outside. Before he's walked a street away, he's being
followed by ten rats, then a hundred, then a thousand. The man starts to
panic, and starts running away, while more and more rats follow him. He
ran right across the town, and got himself trapped by the sea. He
hesitated for a second, then dives off the wharf and starts swimming.
Looking back, he saw that the rats were still following him, but the
second they hit the water, they turned to stone and sank. About fifteen
minutes later (well, it takes a while to kill ten thousand rats), the more...
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch. 1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer. 2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply. 3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying. 4. There are some things even a rat won't do.
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.
1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.
2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.
3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won’t jump all over you no matter what you’re studying.
4. There are some things even a rat won’t do.
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco’s Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
“Twelve dollars for the rat, sir, ” says the shop owner, “and a thousand dollars more for the story behind it. ”
“You can keep the story, old man, ” he replies, “but I’ll take the rat. ”
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he’s walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He more...